Dear Anyone,
So... The day has finally arrived. The day I've been anticipating and dreading in equal measures. The day that I have been doing my best to sort my life out in time for. I. Am. 30. Thirty years old. Thirty years old, as in, no longer in my 20s. Thirty years old, as in, I am a fully fledged adult. Thirty years old, as in, I've got only 10 years till I'm 40!! Yes, that thirty years old.
I'm 30. I don't feel different though. Not that I expect to, because that would just be silly - realistically it's only a day later than yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I am unbelieveably thankful that I have made it this far, I know full well that so many don't. But I haven't done what I wanted to do by now. I should have a boyfriend, a career and money!!!! And I don't. We all know what (didn't) happen(ed) with the one I thought I'd marry, bloody Boy Wonder. Yes, up till now my phone hasn't rang with an number I don't recognise and his voice on the other end. But whatever, we won't go into that right now. In terms of the job thing... I'm still here. In a job. Not a career. And I guess that also affects my lack of finances.
On the other hand, let me enjoy and be thankful for the fact that I'm in hot and sunny Miami, having a good time, and not cold in London, although I am missing my friends, but I'll see them soon. I should be seeing RG tomorrow - woooohoooo!!! Today I've already visited the Everglades and held an alligator! That was really fun, and not at all scary (mostly because its mouth was taped up!)
So for now I'm off to have my next drink... Yes I know it's only afternoon, but I've been given strict instructions by Izzy to have a drink every 30 minutes on this day, and well... who am I to say no????! Cheers!!!
Sunday 30 December 2007
Tuesday 18 December 2007
Ideas Please!
Dear Anyone,
There are exactly seven days till Christmas Day, which means there are exactly seven days till I fly out to Miami. But for some reason I'm not out of my mind with excitement. I should be, but I don't know why I'm not. My cousin who I'm going with is very excited. She's started packing already.
I think for me, maybe it's come around too quickly, if that makes any sense. And maybe it's also because all my friends aren't coming like I'd originally hoped. One's too pregnant, one has gone elsewhere, one can't afford it at this time, and one has left it so late to book, that I seriously doubt we'll be seeing her there. And I don't know what I'm actually doing on my birthday itself. I keep being asked, and I don't know what to say. I have been to Miami before, but that was for a specific event during Memorial Weekend, so the place was buzzing with people who had come from all over the U.S. This time though I'm thinking that it won't be as busy and we'd have to search for good places to go.
One good thing is that RG will be there on the 31st. She's been in the U.S since last month, working on R. Kelly's tour, and they have a show in Miami on New Year's Eve, so she's going to do her best to get us some passes to watch the show and attend the after-party. That's fine with me. From what I have seen on the net, most of the NYE parties will have tickets being sold at prices starting from $200. $200??? Are they mad? Even when you convert it to British currency, it's still about £100. What club could ever be good enough for me to hand over £100 to enter it??? They're having a laugh.
I also want to do something here when I get back, but I don't have a clue what. I don't want to do the restaurant thing (though it might end up being that), because there's almost always some kind of drama when the bill comes. Unless we go somewhere like Nandos, but that's not happening! If I hire a section of a bar, then the music has to be good. Plus I also run the risk of everyone saying they're broke, since it'll be just after Christmas.
So please - if anyone has any ideas do let me know. I'm open to all suggestions. I just want to make my 30th a good one... Please.
And there endeth my sorrowful plea.
There are exactly seven days till Christmas Day, which means there are exactly seven days till I fly out to Miami. But for some reason I'm not out of my mind with excitement. I should be, but I don't know why I'm not. My cousin who I'm going with is very excited. She's started packing already.
I think for me, maybe it's come around too quickly, if that makes any sense. And maybe it's also because all my friends aren't coming like I'd originally hoped. One's too pregnant, one has gone elsewhere, one can't afford it at this time, and one has left it so late to book, that I seriously doubt we'll be seeing her there. And I don't know what I'm actually doing on my birthday itself. I keep being asked, and I don't know what to say. I have been to Miami before, but that was for a specific event during Memorial Weekend, so the place was buzzing with people who had come from all over the U.S. This time though I'm thinking that it won't be as busy and we'd have to search for good places to go.
One good thing is that RG will be there on the 31st. She's been in the U.S since last month, working on R. Kelly's tour, and they have a show in Miami on New Year's Eve, so she's going to do her best to get us some passes to watch the show and attend the after-party. That's fine with me. From what I have seen on the net, most of the NYE parties will have tickets being sold at prices starting from $200. $200??? Are they mad? Even when you convert it to British currency, it's still about £100. What club could ever be good enough for me to hand over £100 to enter it??? They're having a laugh.
I also want to do something here when I get back, but I don't have a clue what. I don't want to do the restaurant thing (though it might end up being that), because there's almost always some kind of drama when the bill comes. Unless we go somewhere like Nandos, but that's not happening! If I hire a section of a bar, then the music has to be good. Plus I also run the risk of everyone saying they're broke, since it'll be just after Christmas.
So please - if anyone has any ideas do let me know. I'm open to all suggestions. I just want to make my 30th a good one... Please.
And there endeth my sorrowful plea.
Saturday 15 December 2007
Maybe I Should, Maybe I Shouldn't Have
Dear Anyone,
Okay confession time..... I went to Undeserving's house last night. But before I go on, let me just say that I know what you're going to say, and I fully agree because I've said it to you before, so you can get the tutting, heavy sighing and head-shaking thing out of the way................Done? Fine, I'll continue.
I didn't sleep over like I usually would, I just went there after work and he dropped me home later in the night. I don't know why I went - I guess it's because it was a Friday night, I had no plans and he invited me over, so I thought, "Why not?" It was cool though. We bought Chinese, watched TV, listened to music, chatted, laughed, etc. No I didn't have sex with him, but I won't lie, there was a little hanky panky.
You're probably thinking that me going there is a bit random, but we have spoken every so often, it's just that nothing significant happened for me to report about. I've also seen him at a couple of events (him being a DJ and all), and we've spoken then too. We've not been on bad terms or anything like that, I just don't chase after him like, some slack girls I see.
The thing is - I'm not in love with this guy. I like spending time with him, when need be. Yes I said 'need.' Like I said before, he's a Better Than Nothing situation which, to me, means that he'll do what he needs to do for now, and if (or possibly when) someone suitable decides to show himself, I'll move on. Simple. The good thing about a BTN is that you're in control of what you're doing. There shouldn't be deep feelings involved that would risk you getting hurt. And with Undeserving, he's done enough things to upset me, so now I just don't take him seriously, and that makes it easier for me. If I did take him seriously I would be a prized jackass, and I can happily tell you that I'm not one of those, thank you.
Okay confession time..... I went to Undeserving's house last night. But before I go on, let me just say that I know what you're going to say, and I fully agree because I've said it to you before, so you can get the tutting, heavy sighing and head-shaking thing out of the way................Done? Fine, I'll continue.
I didn't sleep over like I usually would, I just went there after work and he dropped me home later in the night. I don't know why I went - I guess it's because it was a Friday night, I had no plans and he invited me over, so I thought, "Why not?" It was cool though. We bought Chinese, watched TV, listened to music, chatted, laughed, etc. No I didn't have sex with him, but I won't lie, there was a little hanky panky.
You're probably thinking that me going there is a bit random, but we have spoken every so often, it's just that nothing significant happened for me to report about. I've also seen him at a couple of events (him being a DJ and all), and we've spoken then too. We've not been on bad terms or anything like that, I just don't chase after him like, some slack girls I see.
The thing is - I'm not in love with this guy. I like spending time with him, when need be. Yes I said 'need.' Like I said before, he's a Better Than Nothing situation which, to me, means that he'll do what he needs to do for now, and if (or possibly when) someone suitable decides to show himself, I'll move on. Simple. The good thing about a BTN is that you're in control of what you're doing. There shouldn't be deep feelings involved that would risk you getting hurt. And with Undeserving, he's done enough things to upset me, so now I just don't take him seriously, and that makes it easier for me. If I did take him seriously I would be a prized jackass, and I can happily tell you that I'm not one of those, thank you.
Sunday 9 December 2007
Throw In the Towel
Dear Anyone,
I think I'm going to give up on Boy Wonder now. He's not going to call me, and I just have to accept it. I'm annoyed about it though, because now I have absolutely NO prospects at all. I don't fancy or have a crush on anyone else. I guess I have to tick 'Get a boyfriend' on the list of Things That Will Not Be Happening Before You Turn 30. How sad. In a pathetic way.
I was hoping I might see him last night, because a few of us went to Birthday Boy's flat to watch the Hatton v Mayweather fight, and Birthday Boy had invited Boy Wonder, who said he'd be there. But it seems he's fond of doing that - talking and not backing his words up with actions. Maybe I should take that as a hint of what a relationship would be like with him... frustrating and hard work.
But if not him, then who??? I'm tired of waiting. It's boring. I'm tired of seeing how content my friends are in their relationships, and wondering when it will be me. I'm tired of being known as always being single. I'm tired of giving time to these useless guys who don't deserve it, but sometimes I can't help it because everyone needs a little affection now and then. It might be a poor excuse, but it's the only one I have. I'm tired of people telling me that it'll happen soon, because in all honesty they don't actually know that. It's a nice thing to say to try and keep someone's hopes up, but in reality it's just a lie. All my friends who are in serious, long-term relationships are younger than me - how sad does that make me look??? Then I get pity looks, and then more lies telling me that when it happens it will be big, and I won't know what's hit me, etc. But really why would it happen? I was never pretty at school, so I never had a boyfriend there. I don't think I was remotely attractive till I got to college, and even then it was dodgy guys I was getting.
But whatever. That was the past. That was my 20s. Maybe I should look to my 30s as a way of re-inventing myself. It's not like my 20s have been THAT good, so maybe I should stop panicking and trying to hold on to it, and rather look forward to leaving it behind. I might try that actually.
Thatnk you for listening. Rant over.
I think I'm going to give up on Boy Wonder now. He's not going to call me, and I just have to accept it. I'm annoyed about it though, because now I have absolutely NO prospects at all. I don't fancy or have a crush on anyone else. I guess I have to tick 'Get a boyfriend' on the list of Things That Will Not Be Happening Before You Turn 30. How sad. In a pathetic way.
I was hoping I might see him last night, because a few of us went to Birthday Boy's flat to watch the Hatton v Mayweather fight, and Birthday Boy had invited Boy Wonder, who said he'd be there. But it seems he's fond of doing that - talking and not backing his words up with actions. Maybe I should take that as a hint of what a relationship would be like with him... frustrating and hard work.
But if not him, then who??? I'm tired of waiting. It's boring. I'm tired of seeing how content my friends are in their relationships, and wondering when it will be me. I'm tired of being known as always being single. I'm tired of giving time to these useless guys who don't deserve it, but sometimes I can't help it because everyone needs a little affection now and then. It might be a poor excuse, but it's the only one I have. I'm tired of people telling me that it'll happen soon, because in all honesty they don't actually know that. It's a nice thing to say to try and keep someone's hopes up, but in reality it's just a lie. All my friends who are in serious, long-term relationships are younger than me - how sad does that make me look??? Then I get pity looks, and then more lies telling me that when it happens it will be big, and I won't know what's hit me, etc. But really why would it happen? I was never pretty at school, so I never had a boyfriend there. I don't think I was remotely attractive till I got to college, and even then it was dodgy guys I was getting.
But whatever. That was the past. That was my 20s. Maybe I should look to my 30s as a way of re-inventing myself. It's not like my 20s have been THAT good, so maybe I should stop panicking and trying to hold on to it, and rather look forward to leaving it behind. I might try that actually.
Thatnk you for listening. Rant over.
Tuesday 4 December 2007
Dream Job
Dear Anyone,
Last week I was sent an email alert from one of the job websites I've left my details with, and it was for a Communications Assistant for one of the major record labels!!! I don't think you understand what this means to me. Ever since I did work experience at that record company, it has been my mission to get permanent work there. At first it was because it's the label that Michael Jackson was signed to, so I thought the freebies would be fantastic and there'd be a very good chance that I'd meet him. But now I'm a bit scared to meet him, because he doesn't look the same (not that I'd ever turn down the opportunity of course) and I think I'd either sweat myself into a puddle or faint for the first time in my life. Anyway I digress. I'd still love to work there, just because it's something I've been trying to work hard for, for years. I was a member of their promotional team for years, I (briefly) got involved with their street-team magazine, I stalked some of their other artists hoping to gain some contacts - but of course this was in my younger days when being a groupie was acceptable.
I've sent off an application via their website, and I'm praying so hard! It's one of those sites where you register a job search account, put up your details and just apply from there. I don't really like that method of applying, because it's not personal enough, but that was the only way, so what can i do? Right now I'd be extremely happy if I was just employed as the Receptionist. You'd get to see everyone that came in, wear what the hell you like, and watch MTV all day. Talk about perfect! I'm just appealing to your good, kind-hearted nature.... PRAY FOR ME!!
Last week I was sent an email alert from one of the job websites I've left my details with, and it was for a Communications Assistant for one of the major record labels!!! I don't think you understand what this means to me. Ever since I did work experience at that record company, it has been my mission to get permanent work there. At first it was because it's the label that Michael Jackson was signed to, so I thought the freebies would be fantastic and there'd be a very good chance that I'd meet him. But now I'm a bit scared to meet him, because he doesn't look the same (not that I'd ever turn down the opportunity of course) and I think I'd either sweat myself into a puddle or faint for the first time in my life. Anyway I digress. I'd still love to work there, just because it's something I've been trying to work hard for, for years. I was a member of their promotional team for years, I (briefly) got involved with their street-team magazine, I stalked some of their other artists hoping to gain some contacts - but of course this was in my younger days when being a groupie was acceptable.
I've sent off an application via their website, and I'm praying so hard! It's one of those sites where you register a job search account, put up your details and just apply from there. I don't really like that method of applying, because it's not personal enough, but that was the only way, so what can i do? Right now I'd be extremely happy if I was just employed as the Receptionist. You'd get to see everyone that came in, wear what the hell you like, and watch MTV all day. Talk about perfect! I'm just appealing to your good, kind-hearted nature.... PRAY FOR ME!!
Saturday 1 December 2007
The Countdown Is On...
Dear Anyone,
Today marks exactly one month until my birthday. Flippin hell man. I turn 30 in a month's time. How has it gone by so quickly?? I remember one month ago - it was the day I told you about Undeserving hanging up on me (damn cheek). The next day was Halloween. I remember Halloween! So the amount of time that has gone by since then, is the amount I have to go till my birthday. The way this year has gone by so quickly is very scary. But I always say to my friends - one minute is no longer 60 seconds. That's what I believe. It can't be. It must really be about 57 seconds, and we're feeling the difference that a few seconds make. Why else would time be going so fast? I know I sound mad, but whatever. Unless, of course, the end of the world is nigh... but I'm not ready for that yet, there is too much I still have to do. Find a man, get a proper career, make some money, have babies, you know - the usual.
And just in case you're wondering... no I haven't heard from Boy Wonder yet...
Today marks exactly one month until my birthday. Flippin hell man. I turn 30 in a month's time. How has it gone by so quickly?? I remember one month ago - it was the day I told you about Undeserving hanging up on me (damn cheek). The next day was Halloween. I remember Halloween! So the amount of time that has gone by since then, is the amount I have to go till my birthday. The way this year has gone by so quickly is very scary. But I always say to my friends - one minute is no longer 60 seconds. That's what I believe. It can't be. It must really be about 57 seconds, and we're feeling the difference that a few seconds make. Why else would time be going so fast? I know I sound mad, but whatever. Unless, of course, the end of the world is nigh... but I'm not ready for that yet, there is too much I still have to do. Find a man, get a proper career, make some money, have babies, you know - the usual.
And just in case you're wondering... no I haven't heard from Boy Wonder yet...
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