It's no secret that I struggle with positive thinking. Like... in a need a shrink/counselling/hypnotherapy sort of way, if people really believe it's a way of life. I just don't find it realistic, and that's what I deal in - reality.
Case in point: A week ago today I thought it was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I - for the first time since the dawn of civilisation - had a job interview. It was for a Copywriter position that SP had spotted a few days earlier on Twitter and sent to me. All it said was that Copywriters were required ASAP, and that was all I needed to know to send my details through. I then received an email from a woman saying that the role is quite a junior one, and she doesn't think it is what I'm looking for. Now the previous me would have taken that lying down, and been upset that I'd been rejected. But the really-really-need-a-new-job me responded saying that I am fine with it being a junior role, because it's related to writing which is what I want to do, and that I would welcome the opportunity to meet and discuss it further. I also asked for more info on the role, and sent examples of my work. When I received a response inviting me to come for an 'informal chat' about the job, I nearly fainted!
Last Monday I went for the chat, and she wasn't lying about it being informal. It was over in about 15-20 minutes. She told me about the job and what they're looking for, and asked about the notice required at my current work place. I showed her that I was extremely interested in the role. She said I seemed really nice and she doesn't see why I wouldn't pass the probation period. She brought the MD in to meet me, who was pretty much of the "I don't mind, it's up to you" attitude, and he asked her where we go from here. She said she had another person to see, but she'll let me know by the end of the day or the following day. Everything was very positive and I came out thinking about what I would say when handing my notice in, imagining myself in the role, what time I would have to leave home to get there (even though it's in relatively the same area I work in now), how I would work out my taxes (with it starting out as a freelance position), and things of that sort. When I hadn't heard from her by Wednesday I emailed to ask if a decision had been made yet, and she said she had an interview that day, then she'd sit with the directors in the afternoon. On Thursday I received an email from her featuring that infamous word 'unfortunately.' Apparently someone else was perfect for the role, so much so that instead of hiring two people for full and part-time positions, this fabulous, perfect person will have the strength of 10 men! Okay, two men. I should sue her for getting my hopes up.
Getting this close and being rejected has reignited my disbelief in positive thinking. I was upset, because I could actually see my foot stepping out of the door of my current job. I had unconsciously practiced the sort of positive thinking promoted in books like The Secret and Law of Attraction, where you envisage yourself with what it is you want, but that clearly didn't work. And it's not as if I had told myself to do it just because that's what the books say, I actually did it anyway. And what was the result? Exactly. Positive thinking works for those who constantly have positive things happen to them anyway. They can afford to believe in it, because they rarely experience the opposite. It's a bit like being born lucky. I choose to subscribe to the realistic way of thinking. In reality I don't actually have enough experience in one thing, just loads of little experiences in various things. When you tell me "It's their loss", that's not strictly true is it? They haven't made a loss by hiring someone with more experience than me. Be real. Just tell me that life's a bitch but you have to keep moving, because that's real.
