Dear Anyone,
Yes yes yes... I know, it's been another long while since I spoke to you. I don't have a really good excuse to be honest, just that I felt as if things happen, I get hopeful and excited, then they don't happen and I'm back to square one, and I get tired of telling you the same ole same ole, with the same ole same ole results. But I've been told by more than one person that everything is an experience, everything is still the process of my life, so hey.
So anyway, what's been happening? Well remember when I said I went to California earlier this year and I was hoping there was a reason to return? Well it's because I met someone there, but nothing was really said (in that aspect) until I had come back to London. He's my cousin's (who we stayed with) husband's nephew - let's call him Knight. He's my age, cute, really nice guy. We met him when there was a BBQ at the house, and he came with his girlfriend. We all got talking briefly before they had to leave, but we were able to arrange for them to come and take us out to a club later that night. My cousin Diggy (who I travelled with) reckons it was obvious that he fancied me while we were all out, but to me we were just having cool conversation about music (he's a rapper on the side), London, Ghana, Cali, and just general things. I didn't get at all that he was attracted to me, mostly because it was so far from my mind, considering his girlfriend was there. I just thought of him as a new family friend and someone else I can add to my very short list of people I know in America. He didn't live in the same area that we were staying, but his mum does, so they had come down for a few days. Where they lived was five hours drive away and they were leaving to go home the next day. He and I exchanged numbers to keep in contact via instant messenger, and he sent me a message, after they had dropped us back, to say it was nice going out with us and it was a shame we didn't meet earlier (something we had all been saying during the evening, to be honest) because they could have taken us to other places had they known we were there. They stopped by the house on their way back to their town the following day, and we said we'd keep in touch, etc.
We came back to London a few days later, and there were a messages between Knight and I for the first couple of weeks, then nothing much for the next couple of weeks. Then one day he messaged to say hi and that he was missing us, asking how we were and all that jazz. That day we literally ended up chatting/messaging for the whole day - from when I had woken up till I went to bed. It was during those conversations that he admitted that he'd thought I was hot from the moment he saw me, but obviously couldn't say anything, because he was still in a situation. I was actually surprised, because I really didn't think about it or him in that way at all, but I told him straight away that the fact that he's in a situation means I'll just be flattered by what he's said, and no more. He told me that their relationship was close to ending, but I still didn't really take it that seriously, because how many times have we heard that from attached guys?? But at the same time I did think that he wouldn't necessarily try and play me, because he knew we have family in common. He should be verifiable. Nowadays I don't have a problem letting a guy know that I'm not looking to date for dating's sake, so I told him that if that's what he's looking for from me, then nah.
Anyway, over the following week we were messaging every day - he'd literally send me a message when he woke up, before starting work, and when he finished work until I went to bed (considering it's an 8-hour time difference). We kinda got to know each other quite quickly, and our communication started including telephone calls and Skype calls. He and the girlfriend's relationship had become more like friends apparently (after a few weeks she moved out) and after just over a week he told me he was having really strong feelings for me, he didn't understand it, but he knew it was real, because he's only felt that way about one other person (his crazy ex with who he has two children). I was starting to like him too, but still wary, and he even kept telling me that I was being very guarded, and I told him that I had to be! Marriage, kids, kids names, homes and the 'L' word were all mentioned - by him! I'm telling you he went full steam, and as you know the last experience I had was similar and came to a halt as quickly as it started, so I wasn't really that relaxed about it, but I decided to just go along with stuff while still being cautious. He's a really nice guy, funny, sweet, seemingly affectionate, but he's either very genuine or a very good liar, because some things he says and suggests are just normal to him would have you thinking "Yeah right.." Like he's suggested paying for my flight to go and see him in Cali, or paying for both of us to meet in New York. He does seem to have money though.
This has all been since June, and it was really nice for a couple of months (and no I haven't been flown anywhere as yet), but recently his communication has been waning, and that's annoying me. I've always said that I don't know if I have the patience to be in a long-distance relationship, but the lack of everything here in London means I'm willing to give it a try if that's what has been presented to me. But for something like that to work, both parties have to make the effort. He was going through some personal stuff for a couple of months, which meant that every time he wanted to book his flight to come to London he wasn't able to, and he's previously told me that he has a tendency to keep things to himself, because he doesn't like to be a burden to people, but he was gonna work on that, but I don't know if he has been working on it, because now I'm feeling un-involved. My mum and brother have just been on holiday to California, and Knight made sure he looked after them and gave them a good time, taking them to Vegas, shopping and even Thanksgiving dinner at his mum's house. He knows that my mum knows about "us", they'd spoken to each other during one of our Skype calls some months ago, so I'm a little confused as to whether he still intends for everything he's said to me or whether that's just him being a nice guy. I just don't want a repeat of that pussy Joe *spit*.
I think I'm going to try not to expect too much right now, and see what becomes of it. I'd love for it to happen properly with us, but I'll keep my options open, definitely.
