Wednesday 15 April 2009

Loss

Dear Anyone,

The past few days have been quite hard in my family. My uncle - my dad's older brother - died on Easter Sunday, while on holiday in Ghana, and it was such a shock as none of us knew he was even ill.

He had a stroke seven years ago, and although there was nothing wrong with his mind, his body was paralysed on one side, so he'd been in a wheelchair ever since. But every time he goes to Ghana, he has treatment and responds so well to it, that the doctors are always hopeful that he'd walk again. I guess that's not going to happen now.

My cousin Diggy is absolutely devastated as you would imagine. She was basically a daddy's girl, she'd even tell you that herself, and she was looking forward to her parents returning next month. When I'd found out and managed to get in touch with her, she was completely incoherent through her wailing, but she calmed down a little later. My brothers and I went to see her on Sunday night, and I offered to stay with her (as she is in the house alone) but she said that she wanted to be by herself with her dad's blanket. However, she sent me a text early yesterday morning asking if I could come and stay the night, so of course I did, and I had already text my manager to tell her what had happened and that I wouldn't be at work.

I've come to work from Diggy's house today, and I'm quite tired, because her brother also stayed over and we didn't go to bed till quite late. But more than that I'm just worried for Diggy and for my dad. My dad lost his other brother to a stroke just over 23 years ago, and now his last surviving brother has gone. Their mum died a couple of years ago too. Now he's going to have the stress of arranging a funeral and being strong for my aunty and everyone else, and that makes me worry about his own health. Strokes are rife in our family, as is high blood pressure. If something happened to my dad.....well it doesn't bear thinking about. And the worst thing (well not the worst) is that just over a week ago Diggy and I were talking about one of our friends who has just lost her mum, and how we wouldn't know what to do if it happened to us. Now this.

I'm going to do my very best to be as supportive as I can. It's just a pity that work gets in the way of life, or I'd be able to give her more of my time.

Rest in peace Uncle. You've been able to escape that body. xx

Tuesday 7 April 2009

A Real Boyfriend

Dear Anyone,

One of my 'friends' on Facebook posted this as a note, and I really like it, so I thought I'd share it with you (if only everyone could see this and understand it):


When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she loves you
She really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
Bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
Keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
Dont look away until she does

When she says it's over
She still wants you to be hers

Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything

When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

Treat her like she's all that matters to you

Stay up all night with her when she's sick

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid

Give her the world

Let her wear your clothes

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

Let her know she's important

Don't talk about other girls around her

Kiss her in the pouring rain

When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:"Whose ass am I kicking baby?"


If only! Sweet though, isn't it? And it's not too much to ask, is it?! Just because it's from the woman's point of view, doesn't mean to say that we wouldn't offer the same in return. I can imagine there are guys out there that would read a list like this and think we women are demanding too much 'as usual,' but I know guys who already think this way of their partners, so i know it's possible, I just wonder if it'll be a reality for me...

I've realised that I haven't recently updated you with the situation on my love life..... that's because there is no situation. So in actual fact I have kept you completely up to speed by saying nothing!

I met up with Muscle a couple of times about two months ago and went to his place, which was nice, but it hasn't meant anything in the long run. I didn't write about it at the time, because I didn't want people asking me questions. But one of the books I'm currently reading (The Secret: Daily Teachings) has an entry which states that just because you meet someone who you think is right for you, it doesn't mean that they actually are, but you can find yourself forcing that belief and inadvertedly pushing away the one who is. Basically how can you dictate what the Universe has in store for you? I think that's what I had/have been doing with Muscle. As I have said before, he ticks almost all my boxes, so maybe I have just been blinding myself to whoever else could be out there for me. Don't worry, he hasn't shown himself as yet, but as soon as he does you'll be the second to know.

And as for Tod, well I don't think he's really speaking to me right now. Generally speak very often, and recently he's been going through some personal issues. I have been as supportive as I can be, but now that the issues seem to have been resolved (to him) he's decided that if someone tells him what he needs to hear and not what he wants to hear, then what they are saying is stupid. I happen to be one of those people, and because he didn't like what I'd asked him it seems he's not really intersted in speaking to me. Whatever. He's a user, and one day it will come back to bite him. I'm not even contemplating the thought of allowing myself to be upset, because it's simply not worth it.

So there you go. No joy, but I'm allowing myself to be more positive and sociable, and hopefully in the process something might come of it.