Dear Everyone,
Sorry for the short notice, but I won't be getting married on this day this year, unfortunately. This is due to circumstances beyond my control, namely a lack of... well... a fiance. Apologies to any of you who were quietly hoping that it would still happen, though it's two years overdue.
Maybe next year.
As you were.
Tuesday 20 August 2013
Wednesday 3 July 2013
Drifting
Dear Anyone,
I've been thinking a lot lately about what purpose my life is supposed to serve, and I've decided that I'm probably one of life's drifters. Trying this and that, but not especially successful in any specific area. This conclusion is based on how my life has been thus far, in all areas. Nothing has been solid or consistent. Basically a Jill Of All Trades, Mistress Of None.
Ok, let's firstly address the elephant in the room; the fact that I haven't updated you for about six months. That's basically because I have nothing major to report. I'm now 35 and-a-half, with not much to show for it. I'm still talking to Knight, I still really like him, he still hasn't made it over to London yet, but is still apparently coming very soon, so I still have no solid romantic relationship to speak of. I'm still in no sort of career job... in fact I haven't worked properly for months, so I'm still broke as hell, and if you don't hear from me after this post, it's because the financial demands of this summer have killed me. I've been trying to keep motivated by writing about topics I'm interested in, and hoping it leads to something significant, but it hasn't as yet. Early days I guess.
It's pretty much all of this that has led me to feel more and more and more, as time goes on, that I won't have a purpose until I have a child. If Knight finally makes it here and many things lead to others and he happens to leave a deposit in my womb, I have to admit that I'll probably be excited about it. Even if I died in childbirth (God forbid) at least I would have left some sort of legacy in the form of my offspring. Before you come with the "being a mum is hard work" spiel, I'm well aware of that fact, I'm not naive. Let's be real - I don't particularly harbour any desires to be an entrepreneur, I just want to do what I enjoy and make enough money from it to be happy. I don't have dreams of having my own office and staff and all that. Maybe I'm lazy, but right now I don't give a shite if you think I am. I can't think of anything I'm passionate about, I just want to be happy to live life. But at this moment, life is not enjoyable. So yeah, I've tried not to put pressure on myself about having kids at this late age, but it's not working, because it's just how I feel. I don't want to be an old mum (bit late for that) and I don't think it's fair for kids to have old parents either. I don't want to be in my 70s and my kids are only in their 20s, that's unfair.
Everyone around me is moving along in life, getting married, having children, being adults, and here I am with the same old story. As much as I've always wanted to do it properly - marriage then kids - that might not be the intention for it to be done in that order in my life, so whatever happens, happens.
Being a drifter isn't necessarily a bad thing though, because it means that if an opportunity to get away from my current life presents itself, I can take it. I'm not attached to anything.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what purpose my life is supposed to serve, and I've decided that I'm probably one of life's drifters. Trying this and that, but not especially successful in any specific area. This conclusion is based on how my life has been thus far, in all areas. Nothing has been solid or consistent. Basically a Jill Of All Trades, Mistress Of None.
Ok, let's firstly address the elephant in the room; the fact that I haven't updated you for about six months. That's basically because I have nothing major to report. I'm now 35 and-a-half, with not much to show for it. I'm still talking to Knight, I still really like him, he still hasn't made it over to London yet, but is still apparently coming very soon, so I still have no solid romantic relationship to speak of. I'm still in no sort of career job... in fact I haven't worked properly for months, so I'm still broke as hell, and if you don't hear from me after this post, it's because the financial demands of this summer have killed me. I've been trying to keep motivated by writing about topics I'm interested in, and hoping it leads to something significant, but it hasn't as yet. Early days I guess.
It's pretty much all of this that has led me to feel more and more and more, as time goes on, that I won't have a purpose until I have a child. If Knight finally makes it here and many things lead to others and he happens to leave a deposit in my womb, I have to admit that I'll probably be excited about it. Even if I died in childbirth (God forbid) at least I would have left some sort of legacy in the form of my offspring. Before you come with the "being a mum is hard work" spiel, I'm well aware of that fact, I'm not naive. Let's be real - I don't particularly harbour any desires to be an entrepreneur, I just want to do what I enjoy and make enough money from it to be happy. I don't have dreams of having my own office and staff and all that. Maybe I'm lazy, but right now I don't give a shite if you think I am. I can't think of anything I'm passionate about, I just want to be happy to live life. But at this moment, life is not enjoyable. So yeah, I've tried not to put pressure on myself about having kids at this late age, but it's not working, because it's just how I feel. I don't want to be an old mum (bit late for that) and I don't think it's fair for kids to have old parents either. I don't want to be in my 70s and my kids are only in their 20s, that's unfair.
Everyone around me is moving along in life, getting married, having children, being adults, and here I am with the same old story. As much as I've always wanted to do it properly - marriage then kids - that might not be the intention for it to be done in that order in my life, so whatever happens, happens.
Being a drifter isn't necessarily a bad thing though, because it means that if an opportunity to get away from my current life presents itself, I can take it. I'm not attached to anything.
Monday 21 January 2013
Date Month
Dear Anyone,
One of my cousins has brought it to my attention that February is the month I meet guys or if I've met or known them prior, February is the month that I go on dates. Though Sod's Law dictates that those dates are never for Valentine's Day, but whatever. I thought about what she said, and it's kind of true.
I went on my first (and only) date with Bumper, then found out from elsewhere that he was due to become a father again, as well as get married a couple months later. Wuss. Anyway... Then I had another date, less than a week later, but this time with Muscle. It was a very nice evening, I liked the way he took charge and decided where and what time we were meeting. My only slight issue was the age old 'who pays on a date?'
Two years later I was taken on a date by my friend Emperor, which at the time I felt was the best date I'd ever been on. I've since realised that whenever he flirts with me it's because he's had an argument with his bitch of a girlfriend, but for some reason calls it a break up. I did think he could be perfect for me, but I've realised that he's just a wuss.
The following February I went on a date with X. He was cute, very easy to talk to and our date was cool, but after a short period of dating, he turned out to be a damp squib. Gave some story about having to undertake an internship in Manchester, but was behaving like Manchester is a city in Nigeria (where he's from) and we wouldn't be able to keep in contact.
Then last year was when I met and went on dates with Joe. Four dates within a week, to be exact! Now the first date definitely rivalled the one with Emperor, because as well as getting 10 out of 10 for chivalry, he presented me with a beautifully delicious chocolate cake with my name on it. It was snowing that day, but it was like one of those corny nights from a romcom. I thought he was The One, because we had far too much in common, and it just felt like a meant-to-be situation. Unfortunately he turned out to be the biggest wuss of the lot. In fact not a wuss, but a pussy, and I've said previously that I already have one of those, so I don't need another. Hmm... I'm sensing a theme here that I'm going to have to nip in the bud sharpish!
Now it's 2013, and it will be February in about a week and a half! I wonder what that will bring... To be honest, judging by the way it's gone so far, I probably shouldn't be hoping for any dates in Feb, because nothing has come of any of the February guys. Or hopefully, I'm one of those who the number 13 (as in 2013) is 'lucky' for. Who knows? Either way... I'll keep you posted...
One of my cousins has brought it to my attention that February is the month I meet guys or if I've met or known them prior, February is the month that I go on dates. Though Sod's Law dictates that those dates are never for Valentine's Day, but whatever. I thought about what she said, and it's kind of true.
I went on my first (and only) date with Bumper, then found out from elsewhere that he was due to become a father again, as well as get married a couple months later. Wuss. Anyway... Then I had another date, less than a week later, but this time with Muscle. It was a very nice evening, I liked the way he took charge and decided where and what time we were meeting. My only slight issue was the age old 'who pays on a date?'
Two years later I was taken on a date by my friend Emperor, which at the time I felt was the best date I'd ever been on. I've since realised that whenever he flirts with me it's because he's had an argument with his bitch of a girlfriend, but for some reason calls it a break up. I did think he could be perfect for me, but I've realised that he's just a wuss.
The following February I went on a date with X. He was cute, very easy to talk to and our date was cool, but after a short period of dating, he turned out to be a damp squib. Gave some story about having to undertake an internship in Manchester, but was behaving like Manchester is a city in Nigeria (where he's from) and we wouldn't be able to keep in contact.
Then last year was when I met and went on dates with Joe. Four dates within a week, to be exact! Now the first date definitely rivalled the one with Emperor, because as well as getting 10 out of 10 for chivalry, he presented me with a beautifully delicious chocolate cake with my name on it. It was snowing that day, but it was like one of those corny nights from a romcom. I thought he was The One, because we had far too much in common, and it just felt like a meant-to-be situation. Unfortunately he turned out to be the biggest wuss of the lot. In fact not a wuss, but a pussy, and I've said previously that I already have one of those, so I don't need another. Hmm... I'm sensing a theme here that I'm going to have to nip in the bud sharpish!
Now it's 2013, and it will be February in about a week and a half! I wonder what that will bring... To be honest, judging by the way it's gone so far, I probably shouldn't be hoping for any dates in Feb, because nothing has come of any of the February guys. Or hopefully, I'm one of those who the number 13 (as in 2013) is 'lucky' for. Who knows? Either way... I'll keep you posted...
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