Saturday 20 August 2011

Never The Bridesmaid, Never The Bride

Dear Anyone,

Remember when I declared that today will be the day I get married? Yeah, so do I. Yet I'm at home alone, watching the X Factor, having just finished eating dinner for one. You've just got to love the notion of thinking positively and putting 'it' out there to the 'universe' eh?

I have no man news, I haven't been on any dates, I'm no closer to marriage. But I have made two decisions: 1) I no longer have a date I want to get married. If it ever happens, then hey. 2) I'm no longer entertaining any guy from my past. We'll be friends and friends only. None of them serve any productive purpose really. So there you go...

For now I'll live vicariously through other people's happiness. One of my close friends is getting married next year, so I'll share in that excitement as she plans the wedding. People I know (and know of) are getting hitched and having babies all over the place, so I'll just share in their happinesses too. Yes - happinesses. In the meantime I'll just continue to do Me, whoever Me is..

Which leads me on to recent thoughts I've been having. It has been eight months since I quit my job in pursuit of my chosen career, and thus far it has been pretty much a non-starter. I've been temping at the same place since March, and though I appreciate that making the money has been a great help, I refuse to get stuck there. But I'm also starting to wonder what I really want to do in life, because it feels like everything and nothing. I'd like to do a make-up course and make money as a freelance make-up artist, but I'd also like to live and work in NYC for a little while, but I'd also like to live and work in Barbados for a little while, but I'd also like to find a proper writing job, but I'd also like to be a freelance writer with jobs that allow me to travel, but I'd also like to meet a guy and settle down into family life... I don't know what I want to do and what I should work towards! I'm tired. I swear, if I met a guy with plenty of money, who I liked enough and he wanted to keep me, I probably wouldn't say no. And I've never really been that kinda chick.

Help me Anyone, what should I do??