Starved

Dear Anyone,

I've been thinking about Muscle and Tod quite a bit in the past week. I haven't actually seen or spoken to Tod for a while, and Muscle and I had a conversation by text a few days ago, which is what got me thinking about him again. I think it's because I'm starved of affection right now. I'm bored. I'd like some kind of distraction at least until my future husband decides to show himself. Or better still - I'd like him to make an appearance now, please.

I think I'm just going through one of those lonely phases again. Right now I am actually, completely and utterly single, as in, if I meet someone new right now I won't have to consider anyone else's feelings or wonder how I'd break the news to someone else. As single as the day I was born - that's me.

I do have work and other things going on, that other people successfully use to occupy their minds, but that doesn't really work for me. Well it's not working right now anyway. I'm not going to bore you with what I want exactly, because I'm sure with the number of times I have been on and on about it, you could recite it to me word-perfect.

I just need a new routine, new scenery, new opportunities, and most of all, as LL Cool J put it - I NEED LOVE!!

Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em

Dear Anyone,

I'm currently going through one of those phases where my family is getting on my nerves, and it feels a bit too crowded at home. My mum just keeps moaning, and it makes me not want to be around. She says I have an answer for everything, and maybe I do, but I told her that I'm not going to stay quiet and let her think she's right, when I don't think she is. Was that rude?

My youngest brother is taking the utmost PISS in paying back money he owes me. I've had to confiscate the new phone he ordered, which he's not getting it back until I get my money, and he knows not to ask me for it either. It's so annoying, I give him an inch and he takes a mile, as they say.

I really need my own place, my room is just not enough. That way relationships won't be so strained and people won't get irritable. But of course that's where the issue of money comes in.... Sigh...

Dear Anyone,

I am putting it out there to let it be known by all: On this day in exactly two years time... I SHALL BE GETTING MARRIED.

To whom - I don't know. Where - I have no clue. But I do know when:

Saturday on the 20th day of August in the year 2011.

So please write it in your diaries and start planning your outfits. Ladies - no black please.

Thank you.

Let's Have A Good Ole Catch Up

Dear Anyone,

I've realised that I have become a bit slack in updating you on what has been going on, so instead of writing a number of different posts, I'm going to update you in one. Go and make your cuppa and get comfy. Let's see...

I last told you about meeting The Body at the beginning of July. Well it's been a bit of a let down to be honest. We met up very briefly at the train station in our area that following Friday, when he was on his way to his brother's house for the night. It was literally for about five minutes. We'd been speaking on the phone throughout the week and I think we were both just very curious about what the other looked like close up! I definitely wasn't disappointed. We then met up again on the Sunday afternoon (which we joked about being our anniversary), but we only went for a drive, then parked up outside the block he lives in, because he admitted that he was presently broke and didn't really have the funds to go out and have a proper date. But it gave us the opportunity to talk and get to know each other a bit more. I thought he seemed like a cool guy, a bit quiet, but not in a way that made it awkward. To be honest though, I kind of got the hint that we might not be looking for the same thing when we'd spoken on the phone earlier and he told me he was horny, and tried to ask me personal questions about sex. I wasn't really feeling that, but I still decided to remain open-minded, you know, trying not to be the Agenda Girl that I identified myself as. We met up again the following Friday and went for something to eat, then back to his place, where we watched a bit of telly and chilled. Yes, there was a little kissing and touching, but nothing much. We fell asleep and woke up at about 3am, and he paid for my cab home. I haven't seen him since then though. There have been one or two text and phone conversations, but nothing to report. He reckons he's busy job hunting (he told me he'd quit his job, because it wasn't for him, but I don't know how convinced I am about that) and I know he goes to the gym every day. I'm not really as bothered as I probably should or thought I would be. As gorgeous as he is, I don't think that spark was there. All this happened about a month ago, and we haven't really spoken much since, so I might give him a call and see how he is. Won't hurt, will it?

I've just come back from a holiday in New York and I want to go back! I went with my cousins Ursula and Wonder for 10 days, and we rented a condo in Harlem. It was lovely - one of those that makes you wish you had your own place... well me anyway. The location was extremely convenient, because we had a main road at either end of ours, so we had easy access to all kinds of shops, plus it was only two blocks from the nearest subway. I have to say though, I don't find it as cheap over there as it used to be. I know that the GBP is not as strong against the US Dollar as usual, but I think this recession has made them increase their prices generally. Such is life I guess. It was Ursula's birthday three days after we arrived, so we had a little get-together with the few people we know over there - Ursula's two cousins, and her friend from London, Wonder's "friend" who moved there a few months ago, and his friend (who they tried to set me up with, but I wasn't even slightly interested), and another of her friends who she met on Myspace (he's a funny young man though). It was a nice day, except Wonder let her "friend" upset her, and that resulted in her being a bit of an emotional wreck for the rest of the evening. Ursula had fun and got drunk, so that was the main thing. In fact, I don't think I'll even discuss the mass alcohol consumption during the course of the ten days... All I will say is that my liver is probably going to punish me soon. We also took a trip to a huge shopping mall in New Jersey, called Jersey Gardens (courtesy of my friend Minnie), and visited Brooklyn. Ursula's aunt lives in Brooklyn and she was nice enough to cook plenty of food to last us the entire trip, so we in turn went to visit her (where she cooked for us again!) and give her a 'thank you' gift. Wonder didn't come with us that day though, because she allowed that piss-taking "friend" of hers to do just that - take the piss. He knew we'd had plans to go to Brooklyn that day, so he called in the morning and said he wanted to come with us. We had breakfast, showered, dressed, chilled, and he still hadn't turned up, so we decided that we needed to leave. Wonder called him to find out where he was, and he was still at home. I kept telling her to tell him to meet us there, but instead she asked him if she should wait for him. She flopped. Ursula and I went ahead, and let's just say we didn't see Wonder and her man until we had headed back to Times Sq. I couldn't really talk to her for a bit, because it pissed me off that she allowed this guy to mess up our plans, and she claimed to be annoyed at him, but she was still acting all lovey-dovey with him. I think this trip made me realise that Wonder and I are two different holiday types. I like to make the most of the trip and opportunities that arise, and she......... doesn't. Simples. But overall we enjoyed it, and made some new friends, so that's all good. And now I'm back to researching how to get some work over there for about a year. I'll let you know how that goes.

Hmm... what else? I still speak to Muscle every so often, usually by text. He's still hot, but why would that change? I saw him just before I went to NYC, when we met up after work for me to take my Scrabble board game back from him (I'd been to his place earlier this year and we played it, and naturally I won). He's cool though, just very busy it seems.

Tod is still Tod. Still undeserving, but I don't intend to marry him, so it still is what it is. I saw him when we got back from NYC, but before then the last time I saw him was in February I think. I don't have the time or energy to be dealing with baby-mama drama - not even slightly interested in it. It's one of those situations where he doesn't know what he wants, but he doesn't want me to not be there. I'm under no illusion about him and other women, as much as he tries to tell me there are none, I'm constantly hearing things to the contrary. It's not like I'm sitting here waiting for him to be ready for me, so he can do what he wants. I'm still (just about) keeping hope alive that I'll find someone to come with what I'm looking for, and I'm still searching and trying to be open minded, so one day... We won't go into the fact that I'm nearly 32 and banking on a six-month whirlwind romance, otherwise we'll be here forever.

In terms of my job... well I'm still at this place, but also still on my grind. Let's not talk about the day job, because I'm trying to be more positive in the things I focus on. So with the writing, I'm currently doing a couple of things: writing for a new UK men's magazine called Candy Mag. It is image heavy, but they have a few articles to hopefully engage females also. The models are semi-glamour models, so there is no full nudity, just implied, and though it is unpaid for now, it is something I don't mind doing because I do need to build my portfolio. I have also written biographies for a couple of models, to be used as a pitch to potential clients. In fact, let me name them now, so that when they become Supermodels, you'll know that I had a hand in it! Natalie Suliman and Sanya Hughes. Natalie has already been receiving press interest, as she is the owner of the famous pair of breasts used for Marks & Spencer's lingerie ad. Their manager also wants me to write a biog for himself and mini ones for his staff to go on their website and Wikipedia, which is great, because it's extra money in my pocket!!

So that's about it really, and new and I'll let you know. And I promise to do better with my updates, because my slackness isn't fair on the rest of you....

Still Got It!

Dear Anyone,

Two days ago I was standing at the bus stop on my way to meet SP to go to my niece's christening reception, while on the phone to my cousin Wonder. I looked across the road and spotted two extremely pretty guys walking, one of them was short and cute, and the other was very tall and had quite possibly the most beautiful physique I think I have seen in real life. He and Muscle would have to fight it out to win the title. It was that good. I tried to paint the picture of the beauty I was seeing to Wonder (which is a bit of a waste of time, because she's into skinny men), and the shorter one crossed the road to my bus stop, while The Body stayed at the stop opposite.

I - being a normal female - had to keep sneaking looks across the road as often as I could, because it would just be silly not to. Then I noticed him take his phone out, dial, and put it to his ear. I said to Wonder, "I'll bet you any money he's calling his friend," and I was so right. I couldn't hear what was said, because The Friend was at the other end of the bus stop, so I just continued to ogle when I could, but it was a little hard, because I am short-sighted so I couldn't tell if he was also looking at me or not, and naturally I wouldn't want to make it obvious.

Then I noticed my bus approaching in the distance (which was a damn shame!), and at the same time The Friend was walking over to where I was standing.

"Excuse me," he said to me. "My friend would like to talk to you."

"You'll have to ask him to cross over, because my bus is coming," I said.

Then he went back on his phone and was saying, "She wants you to come over... awww - you're too late now, the bus is here. You're so slow! What's wrong with you??"

At that same moment, The Body's bus arrived, and he got onto it, so The Friend continued to diss him about his lack of action. I decided to sit upstairs on the packed bus, and so did The Friend, but he was more at the front of the bus. Wonder was in my ear screaming "Oh my gosh, you have to give him your number! You have to! You can't waste this opportunity!" But I didn't know how, because to go up to him would be so obvious, and other people on the bus would probably hear our conversation - tres embarassing for me! Then it occurred to me... I have my business cards in my bag! I decided that if The Friend was getting off the bus before me, I would go up to him before he got off, but luckily I was getting off before him, so I took my card out of my bag, approached him and tapped him on his shoulder:

"Tell your friend that it's not too late, he can have my card."

Then I got off the bus. Wonder was screaming in my ear again, which wasn't fair because I wanted to scream too! It was not at all in my nature to be that forward, but I didn't care, because I might never see them again.

About 45 minutes later, when SP and I had just pulled up outside my cousin's house, I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognise. I answered, and it was The Body. He told me that he didn't want to approach me himself, because he could see I was on the phone and didn't know whether I was speaking to my boyfriend, so he asked his friend to, and was shocked that his friend did it, as he is extremely shy. He seems like quite a nice, confident guy, but my only grievance is that he is younger than me, but I won't let that get in the way of the possibility of getting to know him.

YOU KNOW I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!

Gone Too Soon

Like the loss of sunlight with the rising of the moon, gone too soon.


'Gone Too Soon' - Dangerous (1991)

Michael Jackson



Dear Anyone,

I am absolutely distraught at the events of yesterday. I know I don't even have to tell you what I'm talking about, because it's one of those "Where were you when...?" moments. The passing of a legend is worldwide knowledge. I feel sick. I actually threw up this morning while I was in the bathroom. It's too bloody soon. He wasn't meant to go yet. I know people say that legends always die young, but not yet. Not without warning. He wasn't even ill (that we knew of).

I received so many phone call and texts while the news was breaking. People asking me if I was okay - you'd think I was actually related to him. Whenever you hear of a celebrity dying it's always a shock, but this was the one I dreaded the most, and it has actually happened. I can't believe it.

I was in my bedroom chatting to my mum about her holiday in California, when SP called me asking if i was okay.

"Yeah I'm fine, why?"

"Haven't you seen the news?"

"No, why what's happened??"

I then quickly switched the TV over to SKY News and saw the breaking news. At the time it was unconfirmed, but I just started shaking in disbelief and my mum even had to hold me so I didn't fall. This was just after 10pm, and I didn't go to bed until nearly 3am. Of course I couldn't sleep a wink, and strangely enough I don't feel tired today. Just shocked. Now I have to prepare myself for the continuous tabloid coverage. Great.

RIP MJ.... hopefully now you're out of whatever pain it was that was troubling you..

Not A Celebrity, But Get Me Out Of Here!

Dear Anyone,

Try as I might, the passion I feel for my job seems to be growing and growing more and more each day, and I can't control it. This passion I am speaking of is the one known as Hate. Right now I hate my job. With a passion. It's making me take liberties and not care, which is unlike me. I get there late, knowing full well that the Powers That Be can check my log in time, but do I give a....? Nope. I'm blatantly on the internet when I'm not supposed to be, but do I give a....? Nope. Work gets in the way of life, especially if it's a job you don't actually want to be doing.

I know that in this current climate I should be grateful that I even have a job, when so many people are being made redundant, but that still doesn't change my feeling. You know it's serious when your desire to leave is stronger than the realisation that if you do you will have no money. Sometimes I feel like if I was to be made redundant, I wouldn't even be upset about it. All I would be thinking is, "Yaaaay, I don't have to come here tomorrow!" I even envy our temps when they are told that they will be finishing! That's terrible, isn't it?

On a more positive note, things are really picking up on the freelance writing front. I recently wrote a biography for a model who is destined for big things, and got paid for it. She is currently the owner of the breasts used to advertise Marks & Spencer's lingerie. Now her manager wants me to write biogs for himself and his team. All good with me!

I am also now a writer for a new men's magazine, which a friend of mine got me involved in. It's a magazine full of eye-candy, so it's not heavy on the editorial. It's quarterly and not paid for now, which is absolutely fine with me, because I really need to build my portfolio with recent work.

A couple of days ago I designed some business cards on a really good website that SP showed me, so that I can promote myself as a freelance writer a bit more when we go to networking events. SP also designed some for herself, as she is trying to secure more freelance marketing projects. We are bang on this!! She has recently become a 'victim' of this credit crunch, but don't feel sorry her - she is now free from a workplace she also hates. Too much of our lives are spent wasting away in unappreciative environments, and now is the time to start putting an end to it once and for all. WE SHALL OVERCOME!!!

*clears throat* Sorry, I got a little carried away....