Tuesday 30 December 2008

A Birthday Prayer

"Dear God,

Thank you for allowing me to make it to 31, when I know that many don't. Please let this be the year that everything falls into place for me, and I can be happy and stop complaining about things I should be grateful for. Please help me find the person I am meant to be happy with, the job I will be content doing, and make enough money to help my mum more and be comfortable.

Please help me to be patient with the things I want in life, and just enjoy life more.

Through your son Jesus Christ.

Amen."

I'm well in my thirties now...

Monday 22 December 2008

Whatever Could Be Won't Be

Dear Anyone,

I went on a date with Muscle last night, and it was a really nice evening. You're probably wondering how that came about, since I haven't really mentioned him recently, but we've been in contact a lot recently and we agreed to go out at some point before I travel on Christmas day. And because he knows a lot more places than I do, I left it to him to decide where to go.

When I spoke to him during the day he told me that his Plan A fell through, so he's working on Plan B which might be the theatre. All good with me! Then a couple of hours later when we spoke again, we arranged to meet in north London at 7pm. I was about four minutes late, he was about 40 minutes late. Tut tut *shakes head*. He looked hot though!! Black shirt, black trousers, black and white tie, black waistcoat, and a long black coat, it more than made up for my waiting, I tell ya. I felt underdressed! Unfortunately his plans for the theatre also didn't work out, so we did the classic dinner and a movie date. I've never done that before, so it was really nice. We ate at a Mexican restaurant, but because I had just come from a birthday lunch I wasn't able to eat much, so I only had a starter. We also has a jug of a really nice cocktail called 'Mexican Mai Tai' which I picked at random. The choice was so vast, so Muscle told me to pick a number between 1-45 (and I chose 25, one of my favourite numbers - I don't know why), and it was a good choice.

After eating we planned on finding a bar, but when we walked past the cinema we made an impromptu decision to see a film instead. We chose 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' - not at all my kind of movie, but please, a couple of hours in the dark with Muscle and you think you'll hear me complaining?? No sirree Bob. He's a very physically affectionate guy, and that's how we were throughout the film. It was nice. The film was a bit longer than we thought, so it was quite late when we came out of the cinema, and as a result by the time we got to Kings Cross, I'd missed my last tube home. But no problem - we live in London and you can get home from almost anywhere, so Muscle escorted me to the bus stop where I could catch a bus straight to Victoria. Because the bus came so quickly, there was only a departing hug and nothing more... well I was hoping that was why anyway...


I took a taxi home from Victoria, partly because I was tired and other part was because I was tired. The driver was really friendly and he asked where I was coming from, so I told him I had a date, and when I mentioned that I wasn't sure where it was going, we got into a conversation about how complex creatures men are, and nothing is really straight-forward for them. So with that in mind, when Muscle text me to ask if I was home yet, I replied and then asked him whether what he'd told me earlier in the year still stands, e.g, whether I should stop myself from liking him because it's going nowhere, or whether we are going to try this dating thing and see where it goes. I prayed SO hard while I was waiting for his response. But when it came and I read it, a small part of me was not in the least bit surprised, and a large chunk of me was extremely disheartened. He said that he is more or less in the same place as before, but he 'craves me physically' and is enjoying my company. Basically he is attracted to me, but only really wants to have sex with me. What a bloody surprise.


Today I'm feeling quite.........shit, really. I feel like nothing is going right for me. Part of it is to do with Bravo The Fraud and the MTV job, but obviously most of it is to do with Muscle. It's not right to go for someone who doesn't tick your boxes, and yet when you do find that person, they still don't want you. Why am I considered such a cool, down-to-earth chick, but not good enough to be a girlfriend? Why is it just the physical guys see? How come other people can just wake up, trip on their slippers and just fall into a relationship, while I try and try and get nowhere. I'm so sick of it all. I might as well put up with Undeserving Tod, who I haven't seen for over a month, and not spoken to for over a week. I actually burst into tears when I was in my room earlier, and I don't know where it even came from. I'm just fed up of being unhappy, and I feel like when I try to help myself I end up back at square one. What am I supposed to do???! Positive thinking and visualising the things you want is all bullshit. You're just setting yourself up for a fall. Well I know I am. But I'm not going to go into it, because you've heard it all from me before. Maybe it's a good thing I'm travelling on Thursday, but then again it won't make a blind bit of difference, because I'm still coming back to nothing.





Thursday 18 December 2008

My Wish List

Dear Anyone,

Just in case you are absolutely dumbfounded as to what to get me for my birthday, which is in 12 days time by the way, let me be of assistance to you:

A black coat - if you're feeling flush and extremely generous

Michael Jackson's HIStory album on CD - I only have it on cassette (yeah I'm old school - what??)

A navel ring - I've just celebrated eight years of the most rebellious thing I've ever done, but the one I'm currently wearing is falling apart. I think it serves me right for getting them from Argos every time.

Thin hair straighteners - they don't have to be GHDs, but small enough to catch the back mid-section of my hair, since you know it's short, and this weekend I plan on making it shorter (hopefully)

Going out top - size 16 so The Twins can fit in snugly (I'm seriously lacking in nice tops to wear with jeans)

And last, but certainly not least (just almost impossible):

A sexy, good looking, intelligent, funny, romantic, generous, hard-bodied man, between the ages of 31-34 preferably, with no kids, living in London - I know one who practically fits that description, but in case it doesn't go my way, a back-up will do nicely.

Of course anything I receive will be 100% fully appreciated. Consider me a blank slate, I hardly have anything.

Thank you in advance for your generosity.*

*This post has been written in jest. I don't really expect presents, but I won't lie, it is nice to receive them. Although I won't be in the country for my actual birthday, belated present are absolutely welcome.


Tuesday 16 December 2008

And Then There Were Two

Dear Anyone,

This past weekend was the Cousins Weekend that Wonder, Ursula and I had been looking forward to for a couple of weeks. The plan was to stay at Wonder's place from Friday to Sunday, chill, eat, drink, and go partying. It didn't quite work out a well as we'd hoped, and now Ursula and I have kinda fallen out with Wonder.

Friday night was cool, we went out to a bar/club like we'd planned, and although it wasn't the kind of place I'd ever suggest going, we were able to make our own fun, and I got very tipsy. You'd need to in that place really.

On Saturday now, although we didn't have definite plans of what we would do that day, we knew that it would involve cooking, maybe playing games, watching TV - whatever really. But that morning, at about 11am maybe, Wonder's boyfriend called her and said he was around the corner. So she - quick as a flash - went to get showered and dressed. Naturally I thought she got changed because he was coming round. There's nothing wrong with that, obviously she wanted to look nice for her man, fair enough. Then he came round about 20 minutes later, and she was looking for her scarf and asking me if she could borrow my gloves, so it was obvious by now that they were going somewhere. All she told us was that they were going to West Green Road (wherever the hell that is). She didn't say what for or how long they would be, she just wanted Ursula and I to keep a look out for the tow truck, just in case they came to take his car away (since he didn't have a parking permit on it).



They were gone for the WHOLE day. She didn't get back till about 6pm. Ursula and I had to keep ourselves occupied by watching nothing on TV (Saturday day-time television is rubbish). We clearly couldn't go out, because Wonder had taken the house keys with her. We phoned her a couple of times to find out where she was, and asked her to pick up a couple of things (like ingredients and a Scrabble board game - something to do!) and each time she was being really coy. When she came back she was being really blase about it, and tried to make it seem like she had gone out of HER way to buy US the scrabble game, which she didn't even pay for. I was telling her that it was rude of her to just go out and leave us there all day and Ursula was telling her - partly in jest - that she had to earn her way back into the circle of trust. We don't really have a circle of trust, she was just being silly. But Wonder's attitude was that of: "Well we had something important to do, and anyway I wouldn't care if I was at your house and you went out with your boyfriend, so why should you?" I didn't want it to become a big thing, but I couldn't feel 100% settled and joke around with her, because I didn't like the behaviour I was seeing. She went on to show us the new dress the boyfriend had bought her, and that just pissed me off a bit more.


That evening we tried to go clubbing, but because we took her word for it that nowhere would be open till very late, we didn't leave until 1.30am, and surprise surprise, everywhere we went was either completely empty, or had stopped admitting people, so we went back to hers. Then the topic of what had happened that day came up again, and she developed an attitude that really really pissed us off, saying that we'd been making snide comments to her all evening, but she's not listening to what we say or going to say anything else otherwise she's going to get really angry. Then she finished her tea, covered herself with her duvet and tried to go to sleep. What the hell would she have to be angry with us about??? She basically wasted our day by running to her boyfriend's beck-and-call, and yet she's getting angry with us? She's having a laugh. Ursula and I retired to bed also, and decided that we'd leave in the morning, because it just wasn't worth the hassle.


Wonder didn't say a word to us on Sunday morning. She was just tidying up her flat, throwing things in the room and banging pots and plates in the kitchen. It was actually hilarious. The pettiest display of all was when I received a text from her asking for my bank details (I lent her some money months ago). Let's bear in mind that she was in the sitting room and we were in the bedroom. We hadn't even discussed money that weekend, it was never an issue, so I guess that was her way of having no more to do with me. Absolutely fine. I'm broke right now and about to travel, so the money will be very handy.


Am I being dramatic or not? My issue is that she refuses to even try and see it from our point of view and was just being dismissive. We've come to your house for the weekend, but you choose to go off with your boyfriend instead. Why did we bother wasting time travelling all the way there then? I could have saved money and stayed at home, or made better use of my time. I just think it's rude, and one of my pet peeves is people who are unnecessarily rude. I can't stand it.

We haven't spoken since and I don't really care. I might do later, but not right now. If that's how you treat people who are always there for you, help you when you need it and try to cheer you up when you're down, then good luck to you. I hope you and your boyfriend live happily ever after.

Tuesday 9 December 2008

Might I Have Me A Jobby Job???

Dear Anyone,

I think I am possibly being taken for a ride, and I don't appreciate it.

Basically, my cousin Diggy knows a guy called Bravo who says he works for MTV Base as an Event Manager, and he told her this when she bumped into him at a restaurant a couple of months ago. Being the person she is she started talking me up, telling him that I am looking for work in that field and what I've done in the past, etc, so he told her to tell me to call him. Every time I tried I got no answer - either the phone would ring and go to voicemail, or it would just go straight to voicemail, so I left a couple of messages, but I never heard back from him.

Then two Thursdays ago Diggy called me while I was at work and told me she had just spoken to Bravo, and that I should call him in exactly five minutes time, so I did and he finally answered. He literally gave me a mini phone interview, asking about what experience I have had in event management, what goes into putting on a successful event, and so on. I always remember that in a job interview, it's as much about you wanting them as it is them wanting you, so you must always ask questions He told me that as well as working for MTV, he also organises member events for Fitness First gyms, so as a way for him to test me he wants me to put on a members event at one of the gyms in south London on 17 December, and if it is successful then a job with MTV is mine. Of course the thought of it scared the hell out of me, especially since he said he wants me to organise it alone to see how I do. The thing that scares me is the idea of telling people that I'm good at something, and then not living up to it. I'm not good at bragging about myself, but I'm working on it. Anyway, we arranged to meet that coming Sunday at 4pm to discuss it further, and he asked me to bring my CV and examples of work I have done. Not a problem.

I got to the meeting place (which was a Fitness First near where I live) at exactly 4pm, and when I told the people at the reception who I was there to see, they didn't know who I was talking about, but it was fine because I figured he was still on his way. I'm standing there... waiting... and waiting, and 4.30pm comes, so I decided to call him to find out where he is, and if he even remembers that we're meeting, and he answers and says he's on his way, but there's traffic. Common courtesy should have told him to let me know that sooner.

He got there at about 4.40pm, and I was hoping I my face didn't show how unimpressed I was. We went up to a meeting room that one of the receptionists showed us to, and I was really hoping it wouldn't be long, because I was tired. Wrong attitude to have, I know, but I hadn't yet slept since arriving from Paris that day! Anyway, Bravo had a look at my CV and he seemed pretty impressed with that and my portfolio that contains predominantly journalistic work. He even knew a couple of my previous employers (both charlatans in their own way - that should have been a sign!). He also asked me if I speak any other languages, because it comes in very handy for that role. Apparently he can speak six languages, and is currently learning his 7th. Strangely enough, French and Spanish are not included in his skills. Then he told me about the position on offer; I would be based in Camden, sometimes working at the Oxford St office, the hours would be 8am-6pm, but some times I would finish earlier or later depending on the amount of work to be done. The starting salary was good, and would go up by £2k after a six month probation period. The contract would initially be for two years. I would have to make sure that I'm very flexible time-wise, as very often staff are required to travel abroad at the drop of a hat. His example was that he could call me and tell me to be at the airport within two hours to fly to Japan, where I could be staying for as long as four months. His team recently had to travel to New York to help with an album launch party for Keyshia Cole. They also had to work hard on the MTV Europe Awards in Liverpool last month. You can imagine how I was trying to contain my excitement while sitting there. This was the type of stuff I had written in the ideal job exercise that Muscle told me to do. All I had to do was organise an event for Fitness First, which would be overlooked by Bravo and his Line Manager, and if they were impressed, the job was mine. We agreed that he would call me on Wednesday for us to meet on either Thursday or Friday, so that he could give me all the contacts and details I'd need.

Wednesday came and I sent him a text in the afternoon asking if we could meet on Thursday and not Friday, because I already had plans. Surprise surprise I didn't get a response, but it was cool ,because the day wasn't over yet. By 9pm I still hadn't heard from him, so I called him and he sounded like I'd woken him up or something.

Me: Hi, did you get my text this afternoon?
Him: Er... your text? Yeah, yeah I got it.
Me: So..... is tomorrow ok to meet then?
Him: Tomorrow? Yeah yeah, tomorrow's fine...
Me: Well I finish work at 6pm, so I can meet you at the gym for 7pm?
Him: Yeah that's cool, I should have left the office by then, so 7pm is fine.
Me: Ok, so, I'll see you tomorrow at 7pm at the gym then, yes?
Him: Yep ok, see you then.

That annoyed me a bit, but I let it go.

Thursday comes and I get to the area a little early, so I decide to kill time by window shopping. At 6.30pm my phone rings and it's Bravo.

Him: Hi, yeah, I'm really sorry but I'm not going to be able to make it. I'm still stuck at the office with loads of paperwork to do.

Me: Ok.................. Well my next available time is Monday. I have the day off work, but I have a hospital appointment in the morning.

Him: Ok that's fine. Give me a call when you're finished with your appointment, and we'll definitely meet then.

Me: Ok fine, I will. Speak to you then.

It was now starting to seem like a joke, and all I was thinking was that the 17th is not that far away.

So Monday comes, and in the morning I had to go to the hospital to have a cyst removed from my eyelid. Longish story, but basically the doctor injected my eyelid, turned it inside out, cut it a little and squeezed/scraped out whatever was inside. So for the rest of the day I had to walk around with one eye bandaged up - even when I went with Roxy to see RG off at the airport (she's gone to work in the U.S again). When I got home I called Bravo as I said I would, and he told me he would meet me at 6pm, because he'd be leaving the office at 5pm, so that was fine with me. I was able to rest for a short while before leaving home. I got to the gym at exactly 7pm, and told the guy at the reception who I had come to see, and this time round he knew who I was talking about, so I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And I did a little bit of waiting in the meantime. Then waited afterwards. The guys who worked there were making me laugh by poking fun at my patched up eye, so that made it a slightly less boring wait. When 7.10pm came I was pissed off, so I decided to leave, but I sent him a text beforehand:

"Bravo I've been waiting an hour and I'm going to have to go now. I really really want this opportunity with MTV and I'm 100% willing to work for it, but the time span until the 17th is short and I wouldn't want to do an event that could turn out crap due to limited time, and spoil my chances. Would it be possible to leave it till the new year?"

Still waiting.........

Have I been had?


Monday 1 December 2008

One Night In Paris (the city not the airhead)

Dear Anyone,

I went to Paris for the first time this weekend, and it was fun! I went with five of the girls who went to Cannes in April, and it was supposed to be a reunion of sorts, but four others couldn't make it.

It was the idea of Bibs, one of our friends who is also SP's cousin. She suggested the idea of travelling to Paris by Eurostar on a Saturday afternoon, finding somewhere to eat and have a few drinks, finding somewhere to change into our glad rags, then go clubbing through the night and catch an early train back on the Sunday morning. It sounds crazy, which is why we HAD to try it. Bibs said she'd done it before with a group of friends, and although they were very tired, they'd had so much fun.

It worked out even better for us though, because Bibs has a friend, Bambi (who some of us also know) who just happens to be staying in Paris for work purposes, and who was sweet enough to allow us to base ourselves at her apartment for the night. It worked out perfectly!

The journey on the Eurostar was quite alright actually. It's strange going through the same procedures at a train station that you would at an airport, I'm just used to swiping my Oyster card and going on my way. Also, knowing that you're going by train makes it very easy to forget that you'll need your passport! Don't worry, no one did though.

Of course there had to be one mishap, and of course the mishap would have to have happened to Muggins here. So, being the nice and thoughtful friends that we are, SP and I decided that we would each bring a bottle of 'water' to share with the girls on the journey there. We consumed SP's bottle first, and I was going to leave it to kick into our systems for a while ( you know how 'water' does) before I opened my bottle. Then I heard a text alert on my phone, so I reached down for my bag and I could see (and feel - because my shoes were off) that the floor was wet. It was as if I knew straight away what had happened, because it's happened to me so many times before (you remember what happened in Barbados as a result of lack of sleep right?). When I put my hand in my bag, the first thing I touched was the upside down plastic bottle, which, when I pulled it out, was absolutely completely empty, as if someone had sucked it dry to rid any evidence of a beverage. I just kept saying "Oh my gosh" over and over again, while looking at SP. Then I thought "Oh please God no!" when I realised that my mum's camera was also in the bag, and as far as I knew it was in it's plastic. As Sod's Law would have it, somehow the camera had managed to escape the little plastic bag, so that it didn't have to miss out on the drinking. It was more drunk than any of us had been for the whole duration of the trip. Bastard thing. All I thought was that my mum was going to skin me, so I decided instantly that when we arrive back in London the next day, I would head straight to the shop to buy her another one. And that's exactly what I did.

As for my dress - ha! Imagine you have just hand-washed a garment, but you haven't wrung it out yet. That was it. I had to hang it up on the seat in front of me, and no matter how many times I tried to squeeze the liquid out, it still dripped on my knee for the rest of the journey.

When we arrived in Paris we couldn't head straight to Bambi's place, because she was still out for the day, so we headed to a little bar/cafe type place to keep warm. Paris is very much like London - if I had gotten a grade higher than a 'C' for French I think I'd be able to live there. I'm very much a city person, you see. Beaches for holidays though. Anyway, we stayed in the cafe and toasted Paris with 2 bottles of wine, before taking the taxis to Bambi's apartment.

Now she's staying in a perfect little studio apartment, in a very good and central location..... that is when you eventually make it up to the apartment. By that I mean the steps. The staircase is serious! She lives right at the top, the very last apartment, and to get up there you have no choice but to walk, because there is nothing even resembling a lift to get you up. We should have guessed by the congregation of buggies at the foot of the staircase. I am not even joking when I tell you that today my thighs are aching, and I know it's down to us having to climb those stairs more than once. Yes I am unfit, thank you, I've never denied it. We were huffing and puffing like we'd just been chased by lions! Bambi was laughing at us. Thankfully her place was very warm, so we were able to chill for a while, with wine and munchies, while my dress hung and dried on the radiator. It felt like it had overdosed on starch, but I didn't care because it was dry!

It was a good night, even though a little expensive. We went to eat at a restaurant called Buddha Bar, which was nice, but overrated and pricey for what it was. Then we moved on to a club called Duplex. When we pulled up in the cabs, the queue was absolutely ridiculous! Long and thick. But Bibs and SP went to the front, and in their best French they told the doorman that we have come all the way from London, and we are seven sexy women wanting to party tonight - and he let us straight in! It was great because the weather was cold and wet. We had to wait till 2am for the R&B room to open, otherwise it would have been pounding house music for the whole night, and that would not have been cool with me, so in the meantime we used our free drink tokens to keep ourselves occupied. The music in the R&B room was alright actually - random - but alright. We made the most of it, and had plenty of laughs people watching. One guy came and sat by us, and he was so out of his head pissy-drunk that even when the bouncers came to shake him awake, we were sure he was dead! Another guy was dancing near us, and the booty-shaking he was displaying would make Beyonce go and re-evaluate her purpose in life. It was all very funny.

We left at about 5am and went back to Bambi's to start getting our things together. I think I managed to get about 20 mins sleep, before our taxis came to take us to the station, but it was 20 mins more than I thought I'd be getting. We were able to get some breakfast at a cafe near the train station before catching our train, so that gave way for quite a nice nap on the journey back.

I'm so glad I've been able to take such a crazy-sounding trip with a group of girls who get on so well, and I really thank Bambi for making it so much easier for us. Now I'd love to return to Paris if someone wants to take me. Any offers?