Are You There, Anyone? It's Me Again!

Dear Anyone,

Hiiii... *waves*… Remember me? I can see that it has been nine whole years since I updated you on my life events. I don't know whether that's good or bad, but such is life I guess.

To be honest, I would say that in the past nine years things have changed and also not changed. Changes include my employment situation - it was the usual on and off, my lowest period being in 2016, even though in 2015 I thought I'd finally found a job I enjoyed, where I felt useful and had my highest salary. It turned out that my boss was good at teaching and helping small businesses how to promote themselves, but she was bad at business herself. I started temping at a million different places from 2017 till 2020, then I became a permanent member of staff where I am now two months before the COVID lockdown. FORTUNATELY I was eligible for furlough, which I was so thankful for, because I do not know what I would have done otherwise. I enjoyed the furlough too.

What hasn't really changed is my love life. I'm still single and searching, and over the past few years it has basically been much of the same nonsense you've previously read about, just with new guys, haha. But I will say that what has changed (or still in the process of being put into practice and changing) is my attitude to dating. During lockdown in 2020 I was frustrated with yet another guy I was chatting to that was going nowhere, so I contacted a coach I knew of, because I figured there must be something I'm doing wrong. I did an 8-week one-to-one course of coaching that was predominantly focused on me learning to love myself first in order to see how it affects my dating decisions and actions. I get it now. I never understood the whole concept of loving myself beforehand. I basically thought that I don't need to love myself, I need someone else to fall in love with ME, duh. But don't worry, it all makes sense now. 

So that's all I can think of telling you for now... I'm nearly 45 (can you bleedin' believe it??), getting older, and I keep being told my memory isn't what it used to be. If I'm honest I really don't care, it's time for someone else to be the memory bank, I'm tired. But I promise I will keep coming back and be like I used to, releasing my experiences and thoughts to you as an outlet, so things that have happened in the past nine years will be told at relevant times.

Soon come...

Put Your Hats Away

Dear Everyone,

Sorry for the short notice, but I won't be getting married on this day this year, unfortunately.  This is due to circumstances beyond my control, namely a lack of... well... a fiance.  Apologies to any of you who were quietly hoping that it would still happen, though it's two years overdue.

Maybe next year.

As you were.

Drifting

Dear Anyone,

I've been thinking a lot lately about what purpose my life is supposed to serve, and I've decided that I'm probably one of life's drifters.  Trying this and that, but not especially successful in any specific area.  This conclusion is based on how my life has been thus far, in all areas.  Nothing has been solid or consistent.  Basically a Jill Of All Trades, Mistress Of None.

Ok, let's firstly address the elephant in the room; the fact that I haven't updated you for about six months.  That's basically because I have nothing major to report. I'm now 35 and-a-half, with not much to show for it.  I'm still talking to Knight, I still really like him, he still hasn't made it over to London yet, but is still apparently coming very soon, so I still have no solid romantic relationship to speak of.  I'm still in no sort of career job... in fact I haven't worked properly for months, so I'm still broke as hell, and if you don't hear from me after this post, it's because the financial demands of this summer have killed me.  I've been trying to keep motivated by writing about topics I'm interested in, and hoping it leads to something significant, but it hasn't as yet.  Early days I guess.

It's pretty much all of this that has led me to feel more and more and more, as time goes on, that I won't have a purpose until I have a child.  If Knight finally makes it here and many things lead to others and he happens to leave a deposit in my womb, I have to admit that I'll probably be excited about it.  Even if I died in childbirth (God forbid) at least I would have left some sort of legacy in the form of my offspring.  Before you come with the "being a mum is hard work" spiel, I'm well aware of that fact, I'm not naive.  Let's be real - I don't particularly harbour any desires to be an entrepreneur, I just want to do what I enjoy and make enough money from it to be happy.  I don't have dreams of having my own office and staff and all that.  Maybe I'm lazy, but right now I don't give a shite if you think I am.  I can't think of anything I'm passionate about, I just want to be happy to live life.  But at this moment, life is not enjoyable.  So yeah, I've tried not to put pressure on myself about having kids at this late age, but it's not working, because it's just how I feel.  I don't want to be an old mum (bit late for that) and I don't think it's fair for kids to have old parents either.  I don't want to be in my 70s and my kids are only in their 20s, that's unfair.  

Everyone around me is moving along in life, getting married, having children, being adults, and here I am with the same old story.  As much as I've always wanted to do it properly - marriage then kids - that might not be the intention for it to be done in that order in my life, so whatever happens, happens.

Being a drifter isn't necessarily a bad thing though, because it means that if an opportunity to get away from my current life presents itself, I can take it.  I'm not attached to anything.

Date Month

Dear Anyone,

One of my cousins has brought it to my attention that February is the month I meet guys or if I've met or known them prior, February is the month that I go on dates.  Though Sod's Law dictates that those dates are never for Valentine's Day, but whatever.  I thought about what she said, and it's kind of true.

I went on my first (and only) date with Bumper, then found out from elsewhere that he was due to become a father again, as well as get married a couple months later.  Wuss.  Anyway... Then I had another date, less than a week later, but this time with Muscle.  It was a very nice evening, I liked the way he took charge and decided where and what time we were meeting.  My only slight issue was the age old 'who pays on a date?'  

Two years later I was taken on a date by my friend Emperor, which at the time I felt was the best date I'd ever been on.  I've since realised that whenever he flirts with me it's because he's had an argument with his bitch of a girlfriend, but for some reason calls it a break up.  I did think he could be perfect for me, but I've realised that he's just a wuss.

The following February I went on a date with X. He was cute, very easy to talk to and our date was cool, but after a short period of dating, he turned out to be a damp squib.  Gave some story about having to undertake an internship in Manchester, but was behaving like Manchester is a city in Nigeria (where he's from) and we wouldn't be able to keep in contact.

Then last year was when I met and went on dates with Joe.  Four dates within a week, to be exact!  Now the first date definitely rivalled the one with Emperor, because as well as getting 10 out of 10 for chivalry, he presented me with a beautifully delicious chocolate cake with my name on it.  It was snowing that day, but it was like one of those corny nights from a romcom.  I thought he was The One, because we had far too much in common, and it just felt like a meant-to-be situation.  Unfortunately he turned out to be the biggest wuss of the lot.  In fact not a wuss, but a pussy, and I've said previously that I already have one of those, so I don't need another.  Hmm... I'm sensing a theme here that I'm going to have to nip in the bud sharpish!

Now it's 2013, and it will be February in about a week and a half!  I wonder what that will bring... To be honest, judging by the way it's gone so far, I probably shouldn't be hoping for any dates in Feb, because nothing has come of any of the February guys.  Or hopefully, I'm one of those who the number 13 (as in 2013) is 'lucky' for.  Who knows?  Either way... I'll keep you posted...

A Year Older

Dear Anyone,

To put it simply, I am 35 years-old today.  Thirty-five.  Remember I was 29 when I started writing to you? Now I'm smack bang in the middle of my 30s.  Already.  Wow.

Dear God, please let this be the year everything falls into place.  I am 100% prepared to work alongside you to make it happen, but please just guide me in the right direction, and most of all, please just let me be happy.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Inter-continental Love?

Dear Anyone,

Yes yes yes... I know, it's been another long while since I spoke to you.  I don't have a really good excuse to be honest, just that I felt as if things happen, I get hopeful and excited, then they don't happen and I'm back to square one, and I get tired of telling you the same ole same ole, with the same ole same ole results.  But I've been told by more than one person that everything is an experience, everything is still the process of my life, so hey.

So anyway, what's been happening?  Well remember when I said I went to California earlier this year and I was hoping there was a reason to return?  Well it's because I met someone there, but nothing was really said (in that aspect) until I had come back to London.  He's my cousin's (who we stayed with) husband's nephew - let's call him Knight.  He's my age, cute, really nice guy.  We met him when there was a BBQ at the house, and he came with his girlfriend.  We all got talking briefly before they had to leave, but we were able to arrange for them to come and take us out to a club later that night.  My cousin Diggy (who I travelled with) reckons it was obvious that he fancied me while we were all out, but to me we were just having cool conversation about music (he's a rapper on the side), London, Ghana, Cali, and just general things.  I didn't get at all that he was attracted to me, mostly because it was so far from my mind, considering his girlfriend was there.  I just thought of him as a new family friend and someone else I can add to my very short list of people I know in America.  He didn't live in the same area that we were staying, but his mum does, so they had come down for a few days.  Where they lived was five hours drive away and they were leaving to go home the next day.  He and I exchanged numbers to keep in contact via instant messenger, and he sent me a message, after they had dropped us back, to say it was nice going out with us and it was a shame we didn't meet earlier (something we had all been saying during the evening, to be honest) because they could have taken us to other places had they known we were there.  They stopped by the house on their way back to their town the following day, and we said we'd keep in touch, etc.

We came back to London a few days later, and there were a messages between Knight and I for the first couple of weeks, then nothing much for the next couple of weeks. Then one day he messaged to say hi and that he was missing us, asking how we were and all that jazz.  That day we literally ended up chatting/messaging for the whole day - from when I had woken up till I went to bed.  It was during those conversations that he admitted that he'd thought I was hot from the moment he saw me, but obviously couldn't say anything, because he was still in a situation.  I was actually surprised, because I really didn't think about it or him in that way at all, but I told him straight away that the fact that he's in a situation means I'll just be flattered by what he's said, and no more.  He told me that their relationship was close to ending, but I still didn't really take it that seriously, because how many times have we heard that from attached guys??  But at the same time I did think that he wouldn't necessarily try and play me, because he knew we have family in common.  He should be verifiable.  Nowadays I don't have a problem letting a guy know that I'm not looking to date for dating's sake, so I told him that if that's what he's looking for from me, then nah.  

Anyway, over the following week we were messaging every day - he'd literally send me a message when he woke up, before starting work, and when he finished work until I went to bed (considering it's an 8-hour time difference).  We kinda got to know each other quite quickly, and our communication started including telephone calls and Skype calls.  He and the girlfriend's relationship had become more like friends apparently (after a few weeks she moved out) and after just over a week he told me he was having really strong feelings for me, he didn't understand it, but he knew it was real, because he's only felt that way about one other person (his crazy ex with who he has two children).  I was starting to like him too, but still wary, and he even kept telling me that I was being very guarded, and I told him that I had to be!  Marriage, kids, kids names, homes and the 'L' word were all mentioned - by him! I'm telling you he went full steam, and as you know the last experience I had was similar and came to a halt as quickly as it started, so I wasn't really that relaxed about it, but I decided to just go along with stuff while still being cautious. He's a really nice guy, funny, sweet, seemingly affectionate, but he's either very genuine or a very good liar, because some things he says and suggests are just normal to him would have you thinking "Yeah right.."  Like he's suggested paying for my flight to go and see him in Cali, or paying for both of us to meet in New York.  He does seem to have money though.

This has all been since June, and it was really nice for a couple of months (and no I haven't been flown anywhere as yet), but recently his communication has been waning, and that's annoying me.  I've always said that I don't know if I have the patience to be in a long-distance relationship, but the lack of everything here in London means I'm willing to give it a try if that's what has been presented to me.  But for something like that to work, both parties have to make the effort.  He was going through some personal stuff for a couple of months, which meant that every time he wanted to book his flight to come to London he wasn't able to, and he's previously told me that he has a tendency to keep things to himself, because he doesn't like to be a burden to people, but he was gonna work on that, but I don't know if he has been working on it, because now I'm feeling un-involved.  My mum and brother have just been on holiday to California, and Knight made sure he looked after them and gave them a good time, taking them to Vegas, shopping and even Thanksgiving dinner at his mum's house.  He knows that my mum knows about "us", they'd spoken to each other during one of our Skype calls some months ago, so I'm a little confused as to whether he still intends for everything he's said to me or whether that's just him being a nice guy.  I just don't want a repeat of that pussy Joe *spit*.

I think I'm going to try not to expect too much right now, and see what becomes of it. I'd love for it to happen properly with us, but I'll keep my options open, definitely.  

Odd-Job Girl

Dear Anyone,

I've hit a little snag in this career/work life thing... I don't really know what I want to do wholeheartedly.  Actually that's not true.  I know for a fact that I don't want a long term, nine-to-five job, but rather various freelance projects that I will enjoy and get paid for.  Sort of like a media odd-job (wo)man, if you like.

I have just finished working freelance on a project for a youth organisation, and I really enjoyed it because it was so casual and easy-going, but fun and I was getting paid for it.  THAT'S the kind of thing I'm talking about.  This is all pretty much unrealistic wishful thinking, I know.  As adults we have no choice but to undertake some shite jobs, especially when you have as many holidays planned in your head as I do for the coming year.  I'd still love to find work abroad, since I still have nothing necessarily keeping me here in London.  My ideal choice is still New York City, and after a recent trip to California, I've partly added it to my list too... I'll tell you why later on, if there's anything to tell.  Hopefully there will be ;)

So if you know of any opportunities matching what I've described, please, throw them my way.  Thank you in advance.

Is He A Pussy Or A Fraud?

Dear Anyone,

This is the question I would like you to answer for me today.  Is Joe a pussy or is he a fraud?  Or is he a fraudulent pussy?  Actually no, because that would mean he's pretending to be a pussy, and that certainly isn't the case.

In two days time it will be exactly six weeks since the last time I laid eyes on him in person, and two weeks since we spoke on the phone.  He has fallen off in such a spectacular manner that I just can't comprehend it.  I truly, truly can not get my head around it.  It has been the same issue I told you about before, he's been broke etc, so we haven't been anywhere or done anything.  But then it became like he wasn't fussed about the fact that we hadn't spent anytime together.  When I drew his attention to the fact that it was approaching a month, he said: "I know hun, but it's been for reasons that can't be helped."  Prick.  These reasons predominantly involved his sons, who aren't bloody toddlers, or the fact that he says he's really broke and "can't" pay his phone bill, and doesn't want to waste his petrol or put a few extra pounds on his Oyster card.  I'm not begrudging that he has children at all, but I slightly feel like he babies them.  They're nearly 15 years old.  I wonder how he had relationships in the past, and still managed to be a dad.  Then with the money thing; his phone was suspended and became incoming only.  I didn't mind being the one to call every evening at first, but then it was annoying, because if he didn't answer it wasn't like he'd be able to return the call.  I would rather have to keep trying, then I'd feel like a bug-a-boo.  And because he's a "nice" guy, I wouldn't know if he's speaking to me to be polite or if he really did want to speak to me.  In the beginning if his phone was playing up, he'd email me if he couldn't text.  Then it became that his home internet service was cut off, and at work they'd restricted their internet use and completely blocked Facebook.  It sounds ridiculous, but I had no reason to think he was lying, because I figured that would be an embarrassing thing to have to tell a woman anyway.  So he had no phone, no internet at home and monitored internet at work.  On top of all this, I had invited him out to the birthday gathering of one of my friends, and he gave the excuse that Croydon was "a trek" and it would depend on what time it finished, because he'd have to get home to the boys (even though his mum was there).  This was as well as suggesting we go to the cinema and it would be on me.  I think my final straw came when I invited him to come and be in the audience of a gameshow taping, and he insisted he'd be there every time I asked if he was still up for it.  Then of course on the day something had to come up, again to do with one of his sons who had injured his rib playing football the previous week.  I'm not in any way saying that he shouldn't be worried about his child, but I was pissed off because I KNEW that SOMETHING would happen to stop us meeting up.  I knew it, and I was annoyed that I was proven right.

So two weeks ago I called him with the intention of telling him how I was feeling, and the first couple times there was no answer.  Then he answered and said he wasn't really busy but he was watching football.  Cool I'll call him back in a bit, because I knew he wouldn't really be listening to me properly.  Called back and he was having a conversation with his mum.  Ok... I'll call back again in a bit.  Called back and I'd woken him up.  Was he having a laugh??  He asked if I could call back the next day after 7pm.  But I didn't.  Instead I sent him a long text to read and understand at his leisure (made up of four individual texts, because I didn't want to risk that [Receiving text] that doesn't actually come nonsense) telling him how I felt.  It wasn't antagonistic in any way, I left the ball in his court for him to find a way to contact me if he still wants to be with me.

Up till now I've not heard a peep.  I know he has access to an internet cafe, so why hasn't he emailed?  Why hasn't he borrowed someone's phone to ask me to call him back on his?  Why hasn't he quickly snuck a call from his work phone?  He's a liar and a fraud.  All the things he's told me about the way he is must have been lies.  He's a pussy.  If circumstances have changed and he doesn't want to get into anything right now, why can't he tell me.  One thing he said he disliked was not getting closure, yet he's leaving me without some.  Prick.

I don't think I'd ever had so much hope in a guy being the one that God was saving me for.  I felt that we were both single because God was saving us for each other.  I'm still trying to figure out what lesson I'm supposed to be learning from this, but I can't.  I'm a bit angry with God too if I'm honest, but He knows I'm not a wicked person and that it's because I'm hurt.  All my (what everyone calls) negative feelings have returned, and this time it has been proven that hope and positive thinking are just set-ups.  I really believe that as much as I want to get married and have all the traditional things, it's not what I'm supposed to have.  So if I know this and just focus on "having fun" it won't matter that I'm going to be 35 this year and still single, and it won't matter if I reach 50 never having been in love.  

The Downside of Chivalry

Dear Anyone,

I'm happy to say that a month on things are still going nicely with Joe, and we're still learning new things and getting to know each other.  He's still very much a gentleman, still very sweet, still very chivalrous.

One thing I have learned though, is that as wonderful as chivalry is, there can be a downside to it.  Who'd a thunk it eh?  Joe is the type of guy who insists that it's his place to pay when we go out, and that's fine with me.  He says he doesn't mind at all.  The problem is he's been a little short on cash the past couple weeks, due to big bills, etc, and so because of that when I went to his place two days ago that was the first time we'd seen each other in over two weeks (his sons staying with him at the weekends has also been a contributing factor).  I've said that we can just do something like go to the cinema and it will be my treat, but he's really not keen on that, and thinks it wouldn't be fair since I'm not employed at the moment.  We were supposed to go and see a film on Monday, but we didn't because he said he had to look after his sons unexpectedly.  That may have been true, but I also feel it was a bit of sabotage on his part, since he didn't want me to pay, and I was a little annoyed, because I was looking forward to it.  There's always the option of not going out and spending loads of money, and instead just chilling at his place, but his mum arrived from Barbados yesterday and is staying with him for God knows how long, therefore that idea might be on hold for now. 

So does this mean that his insistance on being the 'man' means that spending time together will be compromised??  I really hope it won't be.  I've never been into long-distance relationships let alone with someone who lives in the same city as me!  He did say I'm still welcome to go to his even though his mum is there, just no "sleepovers" for now...  That's a good sign I guess, right?    

50 First Dates Please!

Dear Anyone,

I've been meaning to update you for a week, but I haven't found the time, and now I'm glad I didn't, because now I have more to add to it anyway...

So... I've met someone.  And this one seems worthy of genuine excitement! Can you believe it??  It means that my theory about my room was right!  Ok, so here's the story up to this point - it might be a bit of a long'un:  

Some weeks ago my friend Shar told me she'd started chatting to a guy on good ole Plenty of Fish, and that he seemed pretty cool, but she wasn't looking for it to be anything romantic/relationship related, just friends.  She also sent me a photo of him, and I thought he looked cute, but I didn't think anything else of it.  Then nearly 3 weeks ago she messaged me saying that she really thinks I would get on with the guy she told me about, so she wants to introduce us.  I'm sure I've previously mentioned to you that I'm very uncomfortable with matchmaking, I find it too pressured, so I told her as such.  She said he's really nice, etc etc, I should just chat with him on Facebook and see how it goes.  After speaking to my other friend RG, who said that if anything I could just look at it as a guy to treat me to dinner and dates, I decided to step out of my comfort-zone and told Shar she could introduce us, so she did the Friend Suggestion thing on Facebook, and by the time I checked it, I'd already received a request from him and a message in my inbox and we got chatting.

His name is Joe, he's five years older than me, lives in London, has twin teenage sons, works in IT, writes very well (this is almost a turn-on for me I've realised), is of Bajan parentage, is very easy to talk to and so sweet.  We chatted on Facebook for about two days, then I gave him my phone number and we chatted for a day via text message, before he called me (on the Sunday).  Our first conversaion lasted over an hour, in which I learned that he has first seen my profile on POF about six months ago, and had tried to send me a message, but because my criteria is for a guy my age and up to three years older, his message wouldn't deliver.  Therefore he used points he had acquired to send a (virtual) gift along with a message, and waited and waited and waited for my reply, but because I hadn't logged into the site since about this time last year, I never saw it.  Then when he and Shar became friends on Facebook, he saw my photo in her friends list and told her how much he already liked me from my POF profile.  So it seems he already knew she was trying to hook us up (and I had told her not to tell him that she'd spoken to me - duh!). He asked me out on a dinner date to a lovely Thai restaurant for the following Saturday, which was last week.

The first date.  The first date, the first date, the first date.  Quite possibly the best first date I've ever been on.  We met up in the city when it started snowing like mad.  Some may see it as romantic, I see it as a hindrance in my attempt to look sexy.  He looked hot though - dark-skinned, bald, designer goatee, taller than me (thank you God!).  The chivalry during the entire evening wasn't just on point, it was above point!  Opening the car door, opening doors, ladies first, helping with my coat, paying - everything!! Conversation was fine, because we'd been speaking through the week. He was literally in awe of me - something I'm not at all used to - and just seemed really happy and shy at the same time.  The absolute highlight came after we'd finished eating our main meal.  There were plenty of birthday celebrations happening in the restaurant that night, so when the man from the front desk came to us holding a cake and asking whose birthday it was, I just thought he'd got it wrong and told him that we didn't have a birthday here.  But Joe signalled for him to put the cake down on our table, and it was a lovely chocolate cake with cherries and strawberries around it, and my name written in the middle.  I was speechless.  Joe then told me that it was a little something he wanted to do just to show his appreciation for me agreeing to come come out with him, because I didn't realise how much it meant to him.  To him it was almost fate that made him befriend Shar, which led to him finding me again. Wow!  I didn't even want to touch the cake, so I had it boxed up to take away.  It was lovely.  We left not long after that, because he was dropping me home and the snow was coming down quite hard.  He even carried my bag and walked me to my door, so... you know... I allowed a couple pecks on the lips during the goodbye.  I was smiling so hard for the rest of the night and Sunday too.

We went to the cinema two days later (I was off work and he bunked off work), then went out to eat two days after that, then went bowling two days after that.  Four dates within a week!  I'm a lil giddy, and extremely hopeful that this might be what I've spent the past 4+ years asking for!  He's very very sweet, VERY into me, very romantic, very tactile, he's told me that he could see himself falling for me, and that he wants to be with me.  I think I can see the same happening with me.  We hav a lot in common, in terms of what we like, what we think and how we think about things.  It's scary - but in a good way.  I've been imagining him meeting my friends and family and everyone liking each other.  I'm not used to this at all.  I know it sounds like it has happened very quickly (and yes it has), but you should know me by now to know that I don't enter into things blindly.  If tomorrow he should let me down, I won't have lost anything but hope and optimism.

So be happy that I'm smiling for once!  I'm going to keep you posted on the progress as often often as possible, but if you don't hear from me for a little while, it's because there's no internet access on Cloud 9*.

* That was corny as hell, but I did it on purpose :) 

Making Room

Dear Anyone,


A couple of months ago SP and I were talking about the guys in my life who say they want me, though their actions say otherwise.  This was after we attended an event where three guys I've previously been involved with were also in attendance.  I thought it was hilarious!  I also had two others texting me at the same time.  Check me!  Actually don't check me, because I realised that it all meant nothing really.  They were all flirting and saying things that would make a girl feel desired, but only for that short moment, but they didn't mean anything long-term (as you can tell since I haven't announced anything to you!).


SP said she thinks that maybe 'he' hasn't showed himself in my life as yet, because I'm not currently the best me I can be, in terms of my happiness and head space, etc, so perhaps I'm not ready to receive him.  I said that I feel there are three areas in my life that need to improve - finding love, establishing the career I want and making money, and that I'd feel like if one of those happened for me it would be like a domino effect and I'd feel positive and optimistic about the others happening too.  So basically, if met someone now and we got into a relationship, I'd be that more happy in life.


Anyway I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday.  My bedroom has been a melting pot of clutter for years and it's taken me so long to sort it out, mostly because it felt overwhelming and I just didn't know where to start.  I've been living out of my suitcases and black bags really.  I bought a much needed chest of drawers over a year ago, and it was only yesterday that, with the help of SP, it was finally assembled, so I've been able to start sorting the room out.  Then it occurred to me that maybe God/ The Universe has delayed me finding this guy, because my space isn't really in a fit state to entertain him.  Since I don't have my own house or flat, my bedroom is the only place I have that represents me and my world (if you like).  So maybe when I finally clear it and decorate it in the way I envision, he might appear. You never know...


I'm off to continue the grind and put that theory to the test!

WhatsApp With Men?

Dear Anyone,


One of my friends has just been dumped via WhatsApp Messenger.  Do people really still do that??  In her 33 years she said she's never had a relationship end that way, so it's a bit of a blow to her, and it's kind of making her feel like she's not worth it and put a dampener on the start to her 2012.  


The way they met was one of those situations where people constantly remind you, "You could meet him/her anywhere".  They noticed each other on the tube on the way home from work more than once, had a brief conversation, then saw each other again at a party by coincidence.  Then what sealed 'fate' was that he happened to have a meeting with someone at her work place, so they bumped into each other in the foyer.  They swapped numbers, spoke, went on dates, spent evenings together, he even gave her a surprise Christmas present.  He even asked if they are now dating exclusively, so of course she and I were getting excited (I was living vicariously through her).  Now, after a talk they had, he's sent her a message listing all her amazing qualities, saying how attracted to her he is and how good a companion she will be, but...... And that's how he ended the message - "but..." What sort of nonsense is this?  What's wrong with men??????  Really - men if you're reading - what is wrong with you??  This guy is 38 years old.  Does this mean that men's behaviours don't change, regardless of age.  All they are is male.


It's making us both wonder whether... well... is this how it's going to be?  You meet a new guy, you like him, but you will forever have to hold back, because God forbid you should catch feelings for him, there will be no point because he's just going to let you down.  Not that this situation is on the same level, but the disappointment I feel is the same way I felt about X who I briefly dated early last year.  Everything was moving nicely, then he suddenly he had to go to Manchester and behaved like our phone tariffs wouldn't be the same.


It's hard.  You try to have faith, but then you're constantly faced with bullshit situations.  My friend is lovely, sexy, a very good girlfriend, she can cook, she has her own place, loving, all the good stuff.  What's the problem?


We both have guys we could easily SETTLE for.  Is settling the answer?   

First Of The Mid-30s

Dear Anyone,


Today I have entered what I consider to be the first year of my mid-30s.... I am 34... I'm not sure how long it's going to take for me to get used to saying that. I was still 29 when I started writing to you. That sounds like light-years ago!!


Nevertheless, I am thankful to God that I have been able to make it this far, when I know others haven't, and I'm not going to set any goals and all that jazz, I'm just going to take everything as it comes.


Now I'm off to get ready for drinky-drinks with my peeps! CHEERS! *clink*

I Think...

Dear Anyone,

Recently my friend SP said something that got me thinking (which you'll find ironic after you hear what it was).  She said that the problem with me is that I over-think things.  When I get the idea to do something, I think it over and over until I practically talk myself out of it.  I kinda get the impression that it's getting on her nerves.  She's not lying though.

I've realised that what I do, and I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before, is that I jump straight into the reasons why an idea won't work, instead of just crossing that bridge when I come to it.  I've been thinking about it (there I go again) and it's probably to do with a fear of failure.  Sometimes I think that if it's not realistic for me to achieve something, then there's not point in starting it.  I know that's not a good way to think, and I don't know how many opportunities I may have missed, so I'm going to do my best to stop.


Of course I'll let you know how that goes... I think... (Joke).

Never The Bridesmaid, Never The Bride

Dear Anyone,

Remember when I declared that today will be the day I get married? Yeah, so do I. Yet I'm at home alone, watching the X Factor, having just finished eating dinner for one. You've just got to love the notion of thinking positively and putting 'it' out there to the 'universe' eh?

I have no man news, I haven't been on any dates, I'm no closer to marriage. But I have made two decisions: 1) I no longer have a date I want to get married. If it ever happens, then hey. 2) I'm no longer entertaining any guy from my past. We'll be friends and friends only. None of them serve any productive purpose really. So there you go...

For now I'll live vicariously through other people's happiness. One of my close friends is getting married next year, so I'll share in that excitement as she plans the wedding. People I know (and know of) are getting hitched and having babies all over the place, so I'll just share in their happinesses too. Yes - happinesses. In the meantime I'll just continue to do Me, whoever Me is..

Which leads me on to recent thoughts I've been having. It has been eight months since I quit my job in pursuit of my chosen career, and thus far it has been pretty much a non-starter. I've been temping at the same place since March, and though I appreciate that making the money has been a great help, I refuse to get stuck there. But I'm also starting to wonder what I really want to do in life, because it feels like everything and nothing. I'd like to do a make-up course and make money as a freelance make-up artist, but I'd also like to live and work in NYC for a little while, but I'd also like to live and work in Barbados for a little while, but I'd also like to find a proper writing job, but I'd also like to be a freelance writer with jobs that allow me to travel, but I'd also like to meet a guy and settle down into family life... I don't know what I want to do and what I should work towards! I'm tired. I swear, if I met a guy with plenty of money, who I liked enough and he wanted to keep me, I probably wouldn't say no. And I've never really been that kinda chick.

Help me Anyone, what should I do??

Much Ado About Not Much at All

Dear Anyone,

I know I haven't updated you since February, and usually I feel bad about it, and quite slack, but right now it's 'whatever.' Why? Because I have nothing new or exciting to report.

You've probably been thinking that I've been in a loved-up haven with X, and therefore had no time to fill you in, but come on - you should know me by now! If I want it, it won't happen! X pretty much disappeared after our second date, which has been completely baffling to me, because as far as I'm concerned the second date went nicely. It was a week after the first and I went to his place to watch movies. There was only a little kissing, but he was quite affectionate otherwise. Then I didn't hear from him for about three days, and when he eventually sent me a message, he said that his phone had been cut off and was only just restored. Then the following week he messaged me again to say that he was going to Manchester in the morning (which I knew he would be doing as part of his Masters) and thanked me for meeting him, and being me, and that he wasn't saying goodbye, instead "hasta la vista baby, but I'll be back". Now for those of you who failed miserably at Geography, Manchester is another city, but still part of the United Kingdom, so whatever mobile phone tariff you have, the call charges will be the same whether you call me while still in London or from another part of England. Or Scotland. Or Wales even. So why this guy was behaving as though he was moving back to Nigeria, is totally beyond me. Suffice to say I haven't heard from him since the end of February. I was really disappointed at first, not because I was that much into him, but because he had such potential. We got on really well straight away, he was good looking, funny, blah blah blah, and he kinda got me feeling slightly optimistic. Then as quickly as he arrived, he left. So there you go.

Two of my friends got engaged recently and at their engagement party I saw Boy Wonder. He was very tactile with me, very flirty for all around us to see, and it made me think about him and live in hope for about a week and a half afterwards, but then this week I heard a guy say something in conversation to the effect of; you and everyone else may think you're a GOOD woman for a man, but if he hasn't made you his woman, then he doesn't think you're the RIGHT woman for him. Duh me - that's exactly what is happening here! And I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it - I am no longer going to try and read into or understand anything about Boy Wonder and his actions towards me, until I hear something from the horse's mouth. If I don't then I'll just have to deal with it like everything else. A litte while ago I was feeling extremely negative about about how my love life will pan out, and I'm not saying this for attention (because if you know me you know that I don't handle too much attention very well) but I honestly don't see myself getting married or simply being someone's girlfriend or fiancee. I'm already 33. I know everything happens in God's time, but chances are God doesn't want me to be with someone or have kids. Maybe being single is how I'll make my riches. Maybe I'll write a bestseller about my experiences. Who knows eh? Still, we plod along as usual.

Work-wise things are going quite slowly on the writing front. I've had a few offers given to me by mouth, but none have really come to fruition yet. I'm currently temping in the west-end with one of my friends, and of course the work is boring, but the people are nice so it's bearable. It was supposed to be for three months, ending this month, but they keep giving me more tasks, which is good wage-wise, because my friends and I are going to Barbados again this year (and I'll be fully excited once I've paid it off), but I refuse to get stuck in another dead-end job. I need a career. So along we plod...

I really need some excitement, and I am hoping that I can come back to you with some good news for once, and not complain about the same ole same ole - trust me, even I'm bored of myself!!

Will X Mark The Spot?

Dear Anyone,

You know how I have been saying (or at least thinking) that I'd really like to go on a date soon? Well I did last night!

Let me give you a little background: We'll call him X. He sent me a random message on Facebook about three months ago, saying how beautiful I was, yadda yadda, so I clicked on his profile to see that we had my friend Shar as a mutual friend, so naturally I asked her about him. She said that they only spoke, nothing happened between them, but that he's a really cool guy, and I should see what he's saying. So I decided to indulge him in his conversations, but I wasn't being very eager, because I thought he was being a bit corny. I didn't add him as a friend until I came back from Ghana, then the following week I gave him my phone number, and he called me three days later. He's very easy-going, easy to talk to, constantly complimenting me, and we were joking with each other pretty much straight away (on the phone).

We finally managed to agree on a day to meet for the first date, which was yesterday. I was excited about finally being taken out, but I think more than that I was intrigued about meeting him, and it turned out to be totally cool! I met him in Finchley Road, and we went to a bar in West Hampstead. It was really nice, he made me laugh a lot. We had a couple of drinks, spoke about his thesis for the Master's degree he's studying for, places we have lived, music, we people-watched; it was all very comfortable and there was no awkwardness. I think it helped that we've chatted a bit on the phone for a couple of weeks before meeting. As much as I would like to meet and be with someone, I am a person who likes to take the time to get to know them and be comfortable first.

When the bar closed, we took a quick trip to his apartment, because he had to "quickly get something." Don't worry, I fully took the piss out of him and told him that I know his game. He has a very nice place though. We stayed for about 20 mins while he checked his emails or something, so I spent the time updating my girls on the evening. Afterwards he dropped me home, and I won't lie... I allowed a kiss. It wasn't a deep kiss, but it was nice enough for me to feel how soft his lips were and only right since I had been looking at them for most of the evening... That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

So... there we go... I had a good time, and I guess as per usual we shall watch this space...

It's Written In The Stars... Apparently

Dear Anyone,

I received a press release today on behalf of Russell Grant (www.russellgrant.com), the famed British astrologer, and this is apparently what 2011 has in store for me as a Capricorn:

Unless you are careful, your love life could be eclipsed by your professional success in 2011. (Woohoo!). While you'll attract plenty of admirers, it will be difficult to find someone who is worthy of you. (This explains the bad choices I've been making!). Beware of opportunists who desire your company for fame, money or status. (Me??) You're sure to attract lots of admiring glances throughout February, when your sex appeal will be at an all time high. (Glances don't equal Valentine's treats). Still, any dates you go on in the first five months of the year won't emit sparks. (Then what's the bloody point??). You may embark on a promising affair between early June and the end of the year, but try to keep things casual. This isn't the year to make serious commitment. (Well, that shoots my desire to get married in August to shit..) Still you can have lots of fun with your other half, especially if you team up with a velvet-voiced sensualist. (Que?) Although their lifestyle may seem extravagant to you, the two of you share a deep appreciation for the finer things in life. If you're already in a relationship, schedule a romantic break for two in December.


Well.... I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing that I don't believe in horoscopes...

That's The End Of That Then..

Dear Anyone,

I've been in two minds about reporting this, because... really... well... it's no biggie to be honest. But for the sake of keeping you up to speed: I was chatting to Muscle on Facebook the other day, and he kinda threw into the conversation that he's seeing someone now. My stomach did a little flip for a second, and obviously a million questions and thoughts went through my mind, a few of them cuss words (after all I am a human with feelings!) but at the end of the day, it is what it is. I know I said I was leaving him in 09 and I kind of did in that I wasn't going to be pursuing anything with him, but... you know...

Oh well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be me...

Along I plod...

Dreams Can Come True (Really?!)

Dear Anyone,


I had a dream about Boy Wonder last night, and it was so vivid and real, that when I woke up I was slightly confused as to where I was (still in Ghana). Before your mind runs away with you, the dream wasn't in the slightest bit dirty. It was just one of those where he was being really sweet and gentlemanly, and all I really remember was that we were at an event and I had to leave, so he walked with me to the tube station, and even paid for a ticket so that he could wait on the platform with me (?). Weird, I know.


Now it has kinda taken me back to that funk where I start wondering when it's gonna happen for me. I won't bore you with the same ole same ole moaning. There are a couple of guys who have shown interest in me, but I'm just not feeling them like that, and I won't force myself to either.

A couple months ago I was supposed to go on a second date with Angelfish, and this was after messenger conversations here and there, where he had seemed to discover the art of flirting. It didn't actually do that much for me, but I gave him 'B' for effort. This was also after he had posted a status saying: "Sorry I don't do chasing", which I then asked him about. He said he was referring to women, so I told him that there is a difference between 'chasing' and 'making an effort'. He then changed his status to: "Sorry I don't do chasing, but I do make an effort". Bull. Anyway, we'd agreed to meet on a Friday evening, and he asked me what I wanted to do, so I said maybe a restaurant or cinema. He suggested a bar near his place (which is in the extreme north of London and I'm south) and said that if I get wasted I'm welcome to stay over at his, because he has a spare room. Since I wasn't just born the day before, I politely declined that offer and suggested we meet somewhere a little more central to both our locations, and he said he'd find somewhere. All good so far. Then four days before the date, I received this message:

"Hi been thinking and it has come to light the distance between us is going to be an issue so maybe we should leave Friday, as from a relationship perspective I can see this being a problem. Hopefully we can be cool on messenger?"

I simply replied: "Wow, ok fine."

All you can do is laugh really. Who said anything about a relationship?? This would have been the SECOND date. I can't say I was upset, all I could think was that I could see why he's single. He's difficult, not as easy-going as he thinks he is. So lo-and-behold I received this message from him yesterday:

"Hi just wanted to apologise for throwing a childish tamp in regards to us meeting up a few weeks back."

I simply replied: "It's cool, don't worry about it." I just hope he doesn't suggest we try and rearrange, because that ain't happening love. I will not be forcing something that is not there.

At this rate I might have to live vicariously through my dreams, because they don't seem to want to come true any time soon!