Thanks For Another Year

Dear God,

Once again thank you for allowing me to see another birthday and another year through, especially when so many don't. Again I ask that you give me the patience to wait for the things I want in life to come at the right time.

Through your son Jesus Christ, Amen.

33..... I'm well in there now - eek!!

"In Ghana Here..."

Dear Anyone,

Tomorrow will be two weeks since I came to Ghana, and it has been really good to just do feck all. Absolutely nothing I don't want to do, all day long. In hot weather. Especially as I am seeing and reading reports of the horrible snow in london, and the disruption it's causing. I can't even imagine it right now. I know it sounds like I'm gloating, but that's because I am... Haha. I'm currently writing to you from the makeshift office I've set up outside. My family think I'm crazy, and I think they don't realise what my weather alternative is!

I said I was coming to Ghana to see what potential work opportunities there may be over here, and I have done some enquiring . It seems that if I was coming to just do an office job I'd have no problems findng work, but because I want to work in Media/Journalism, it may not be so simple. It is very 'who you know' over here, and those I know aren't in the media industry, but those I've asked all say they know someone somewhere who did this or knows that person, so will ask. Plus a lot of suggestions have been that I should work with the TV stations, but I don't actually know what I would do. It's funny though, because whenever you mention 'Journalism' to Ghanaians, they automatically think you want to work on television, reading the news. Me on camera? You're 'avin a laugh son.

I've decided to change my focus slightly though, and instead do research into an idea for a business that SP and I had a while ago. I won't say what it is yet, but I think there's definitely a gap in the market for it. So many people my age and younger are thinking about businesses to set up over here, because Ghana is growing so quickly, and I think the secret is to think just slightly outside the box.

To be honest, I haven't really decided if I could live here yet, and I don't want to find any job just because it's in Ghana, because that isn't my plan. My plan is to get some career-relevant experience if possible, maybe for a couple of months. Granted, if we were to start a business here, we'd obviously have to operate predominantly from here, but that would be okay because it would be something I'd have an interest in.

As for the opposite sex here; so far the potential is saying nada to me. We've been out to a couple clubs and parties, and the guys here are stuck on trying to look like they have money. The whole dated 'popping bottles' thing is still very much rife here. When I told people I was coming here, almost everyone said things along the lines of: "you might meet your future husband". Truthfully, that hasn't been high on my agenda for Ghana. I'm far too fussy when it comes to the type of Ghanaian guy I'd like, I won't lie. As bad as it might sound, the accent doesn't do it for me, and it's made worse by those who put on fake American or Jamaican accents! Ugh. So I've always responded with the idea that if I do meet someone here, I'd really really like him to be a British Ghanaian like myself. You also have to look out for the opportunists who lie about themselves, thinking it would get them money or a ticket overseas. Good luck with getting those from me!

But I am enjoying just chilling out here, because God knows that won't be the case when I return to London. I receive my last pay today, so the serious work search starts now!

See Ya! No Longer Gonna Be Ya!

Dear Anyone,

Today was my last day at work, and because it's a Friday I don't think the reality of not having to return will kick in until Monday, or maybe even Sunday night.

My close colleagues have been so sweet though, and they are really going to miss me - their words, not mine! Yesterday they presented me with my leaving gifts: a t-shirt with pics of all of us, on which they'd all written messages, and a lovely silver charm bracelet. I'd arranged for us to go out for drinks after work, but I didn't want it to be a big thing, so it was just my immediate team and a couple of the clients I got on with. We went for drinks at Thai Silk, where I was forced to down five shots (one called a 'Brain Haemorrhage' that tasted lovely but felt really wird in my mouth) and two cocktails. I should be drunk, but I don't feel it. Tomorrow morning will tell. I'm definitely going to miss my colleagues, but I'm not sad because I know for a fact I'll see them again soon. I've already been told I'm still welcome to attend the post Christmas team dinner in January, so if my team go, I'll go.

One of the security guards gave me a speech when I went to bid him farewell. "You take that baton, that beacon, that light, and go out there, and show the world what you are made of! Do us proud!" That just made me think "Wow...". I've been told numerous times how brave I am, and maybe I am, but the scary part is that people seem so sure that I'm capable achieving things that I myself am not sure I can do! The usual me would more than likely chicken out and think of all the reasons why it won't work, but it's too late for that, so that won't be an option.

Now begins the real hustle, where I have to find work of some sort to stay afloat. I'm off to Ghana on Monday to do some resting, thinking and planning, and to even network and see what opportunities they may have. Short-term though, I'm not ready to live there full time. It's all very scary and exciting! My main aim is to not go back to that situation where your whole aura goes downhill the closer you get to your place of work. We spend too many hours in a day working for us to hate what we're doing. When I return to London I want to be able to attend media events and just put myself out there as much as possible.

So please raise your glasses to new beginnings! They don't always have to start on January 1st! *Cheeeeers!!!*

I'm Outta Here!!!!

Dear Anyone,

I have only 6 words for you:

I JUST HANDED IN MY NOTICE!!!!!!!!!!

That is all... Stay tuned for further information.

Sudden Loss

Dear Anyone,

Today I'm sitting at home in shock and upset. One of my first cousins passed away suddenly yesterday, and I'm having trouble getting my head around it. I was with her only two days ago, and the next thing I know, I was looking at her body on the hospital bed last night. I can't believe it.

I know it only takes a split second for someone to die, so saying "I only just saw her" doesn't make sense, but that's all I can think. She cooked for us at her sister's house on Friday night, and I stayed over until Saturday morning, because it was too late for me to go home. Then I was supposed to get a lift home with her in the morning, but didn't, because she wasn't ready to leave when I was. But she'd been fine the whole time, no indication that something was wrong. Then yesterday my cousin Diggy called to say that she had been rushed to hospital because she'd been having trouble breathing, and next thing we know she's gone into cardiac arrest and the doctors couldn't revive her. It turns out she had a blood clot in her lung, and by the time I got to the hospital, she'd gone. It's scary because this time it's one of us, as opposed to it being an older member of the family.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I didn't go into work today, but I think I will tomorrow, because it's better to keep busy. All I keep thinking is that our family don't need any more bad news, my uncle's death is still quite fresh and now this. I just keep praying for God to spare the family, and look after my dad, because this will be a lot of stress on him, seeing as he is now everyone's dad.

Rest in Peace Big Sis, and keep smiling xxx

Make That Change

Dear Anyone,

It's taken me a while to update you, but last month I made a decision....... I'M GOING TO QUIT MY JOB!

I came to this decision while out for my cousin's birthday. SP, our friend Minx and I were just chatting over drinks about life, work, being fed up, how this country isn't the place to settle, etc etc, and I said that I wish I could just leave my job and get more experience in the field I want to work in, and they were both like, "Well why don't you?" They basically echoed what my manager had said to me about learning to take risks in life. So after plenty of thinking and encouragement from SP, I've decided that I'm going to leave work and go to Ghana in December for about 5-6 weeks to network and seek possible opportunities in my field. My dad lives there, my brother, his girlfriend and my friend are there (and they all moved over from here), and accommodation is obviously not an issue.

Me being me, I'm still apprehensive about how I'm going to be able to pay my bills, but I've been told not to think about that too much, otherwise I probably won't go through with it! Bear in mind though, at this point I'm not thinking past going to Ghana to chill, seek and network, and returning to London in January, where I'll hopefully get some temp work in the meantime. The girls and I have plans to go to LA in Feb, and we really have to make that happen. But if I am able to return to Ghana to undertake short term or project based work in media or events, that would be good, and I can return with new-found experience and establish a proper career for once. I'm not ready to permanently make a move there though, so that's why I'm thinking about thing bit by bit. If I was offered an opportunity in NYC, you know I'd be there like a shot, but right now that wouldn't be financially possible.

So look out for the announcement of the handing in of my notice - you KNOW I'll be shouting it from the rooftops!

Positive or Realistic?

Dear Anyone,

It's no secret that I struggle with positive thinking. Like... in a need a shrink/counselling/hypnotherapy sort of way, if people really believe it's a way of life. I just don't find it realistic, and that's what I deal in - reality.

Case in point: A week ago today I thought it was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I - for the first time since the dawn of civilisation - had a job interview. It was for a Copywriter position that SP had spotted a few days earlier on Twitter and sent to me. All it said was that Copywriters were required ASAP, and that was all I needed to know to send my details through. I then received an email from a woman saying that the role is quite a junior one, and she doesn't think it is what I'm looking for. Now the previous me would have taken that lying down, and been upset that I'd been rejected. But the really-really-need-a-new-job me responded saying that I am fine with it being a junior role, because it's related to writing which is what I want to do, and that I would welcome the opportunity to meet and discuss it further. I also asked for more info on the role, and sent examples of my work. When I received a response inviting me to come for an 'informal chat' about the job, I nearly fainted!

Last Monday I went for the chat, and she wasn't lying about it being informal. It was over in about 15-20 minutes. She told me about the job and what they're looking for, and asked about the notice required at my current work place. I showed her that I was extremely interested in the role. She said I seemed really nice and she doesn't see why I wouldn't pass the probation period. She brought the MD in to meet me, who was pretty much of the "I don't mind, it's up to you" attitude, and he asked her where we go from here. She said she had another person to see, but she'll let me know by the end of the day or the following day. Everything was very positive and I came out thinking about what I would say when handing my notice in, imagining myself in the role, what time I would have to leave home to get there (even though it's in relatively the same area I work in now), how I would work out my taxes (with it starting out as a freelance position), and things of that sort. When I hadn't heard from her by Wednesday I emailed to ask if a decision had been made yet, and she said she had an interview that day, then she'd sit with the directors in the afternoon. On Thursday I received an email from her featuring that infamous word 'unfortunately.' Apparently someone else was perfect for the role, so much so that instead of hiring two people for full and part-time positions, this fabulous, perfect person will have the strength of 10 men! Okay, two men. I should sue her for getting my hopes up.

Getting this close and being rejected has reignited my disbelief in positive thinking. I was upset, because I could actually see my foot stepping out of the door of my current job. I had unconsciously practiced the sort of positive thinking promoted in books like The Secret and Law of Attraction, where you envisage yourself with what it is you want, but that clearly didn't work. And it's not as if I had told myself to do it just because that's what the books say, I actually did it anyway. And what was the result? Exactly. Positive thinking works for those who constantly have positive things happen to them anyway. They can afford to believe in it, because they rarely experience the opposite. It's a bit like being born lucky. I choose to subscribe to the realistic way of thinking. In reality I don't actually have enough experience in one thing, just loads of little experiences in various things. When you tell me "It's their loss", that's not strictly true is it? They haven't made a loss by hiring someone with more experience than me. Be real. Just tell me that life's a bitch but you have to keep moving, because that's real.