It Is What It Is

Dear Anyone,

I think I've come to terms with the nature of my relationship with Undeserving. It is what it is, basically. He likes me, I sometimes like him, and there will be times when we speak every day, and times when we don't speak for about a week. We will spend time together sometimes, but he's not my boyfriend and I'm not his girlfriend. As much as he tries to deny it, I know it's not just me he chases, but whereas it bothered me before, now I feel like "Whatever." I might as well have fun while I can.

Thanks to the book I'm reading I've realised that I'm an Agenda Girl, and I want to put a stop to that. I have problems living in the now, and I'm constantly thinking about what a situation will lead to in the future. Well actually that's not strictly true - it only really applies to guys, because usually I like to be as spontaneous as I can be in any other given circumstance.

Just in case you're a bit baffled, an Agenda Girl is one who has an agenda (no, really??!). She knows what type of man she wants, how old he should be, what career he should have, what car he should drive, what age she wants to get married, when she should have kids, etc. I wouldn't say that I'm as anal as all those points, but I did originally want to get married on August 20th (on whichever year it fell on a Saturday) and have my first child at 26. And I do wonder whether any guy I meet will be marriage material, and whether my parents and friends will like him, and how serious he is about relationships and all that, and maybe that's something I shouldn't do. I might be letting off those vibes without realising it. I should just throw caution to the wind... let the Universe decide what happens.

So that's what I'm going to do. I know this might have some of you shouting at me / the computer screen. I've already got someone at work telling me that I've "sold my soul to the DJ" but right now I just don't give a shite. I need to stop putting pressure on myself and just live my life. It could be over in a second.