Throw In the Towel

Dear Anyone,

I think I'm going to give up on Boy Wonder now. He's not going to call me, and I just have to accept it. I'm annoyed about it though, because now I have absolutely NO prospects at all. I don't fancy or have a crush on anyone else. I guess I have to tick 'Get a boyfriend' on the list of Things That Will Not Be Happening Before You Turn 30. How sad. In a pathetic way.

I was hoping I might see him last night, because a few of us went to Birthday Boy's flat to watch the Hatton v Mayweather fight, and Birthday Boy had invited Boy Wonder, who said he'd be there. But it seems he's fond of doing that - talking and not backing his words up with actions. Maybe I should take that as a hint of what a relationship would be like with him... frustrating and hard work.

But if not him, then who??? I'm tired of waiting. It's boring. I'm tired of seeing how content my friends are in their relationships, and wondering when it will be me. I'm tired of being known as always being single. I'm tired of giving time to these useless guys who don't deserve it, but sometimes I can't help it because everyone needs a little affection now and then. It might be a poor excuse, but it's the only one I have. I'm tired of people telling me that it'll happen soon, because in all honesty they don't actually know that. It's a nice thing to say to try and keep someone's hopes up, but in reality it's just a lie. All my friends who are in serious, long-term relationships are younger than me - how sad does that make me look??? Then I get pity looks, and then more lies telling me that when it happens it will be big, and I won't know what's hit me, etc. But really why would it happen? I was never pretty at school, so I never had a boyfriend there. I don't think I was remotely attractive till I got to college, and even then it was dodgy guys I was getting.

But whatever. That was the past. That was my 20s. Maybe I should look to my 30s as a way of re-inventing myself. It's not like my 20s have been THAT good, so maybe I should stop panicking and trying to hold on to it, and rather look forward to leaving it behind. I might try that actually.

Thatnk you for listening. Rant over.